Present Tense

I’m laughing at you…wait…with you!

I am a rabble-rouser, an irritant, the person who ALWAYS has to argue about pretty much everything.  It’s almost a compulsion or a mission or something with me.  I’ve been this way since I was a kid.  My 5th grade teacher Mrs. Barrett, in explaining my poor ‘citizenship’ grade to my mom, told her, “Janie is just flat-out bossy and argumentative”.  My mom replied, “that runs in the family” and took me to A&W for a root beer.

I just can’t help saying or writing (or shouting) what’s on my mind; expressing an opinion and yes, sometimes arguing until I’ve crossed into totally obnoxious behavior.  Over the years, I’ve tempered my stridency a bit and I tend to give up or give in a little more often, but I still can’t help calling B.S. on occasions.  Which is why I’m pretty sure that I have been blocked or unfriended by many of my Facebook “friends”.  All of the sunshine that is blown up the backsides of folks on Facebook is phony and nauseating to me.  Have you noticed?  The women are the WORST:  “oh, honey, you are so perfect/skinny/forgiving/sweet/wonderful/generous/the best friend ever/an angel/better than Mother Teresa, blah, blah, blah”.   Come ON!!!  I have a problem with that on two levels:  first, the people that write all of that nonsense, who I believe are either fishing for a return compliment or unabashed butt kissers and secondly, the people who swallow all of that flowery junk on their thread.  See, here I go again!  For some reason, I am compelled by my inner smart ass to inject some pithy remarks onto various FB threads.  It does not go over well with everyone.

It’s starting to dawn on me that many of us, can no longer laugh at ourselves or each other.  We are human beings and we’re damned funny, whether we mean to be or not!  We’re pompous, we’re vain, we’re greedy, we’re stinky, we’re liars, we’re ignorant, we’re insecure, we’re fat, we’re lazy, we watch crap on tv, we’re impatient, we’re selfish, we’re mean, we’re catty (ladies!) and since we all have these quirks and flaws, why is it becoming taboo to point them out and laugh at them?  I have a fairly honest view of myself (see the preceeding sentence–that’s me) and am the first to laugh at my humanness (is that a word? you know what I mean) because it’s amusing to me.  It’s the human condition and we ALL suffer from it and we all have our coping mechanisms; mine is humor, which is a LOT more healthy than my old way of drinking myself comatose (see?  admitting my fault and using humor to defuse it–SIMPLE!)

So, say what’s on your mind, call BULLSH*T a little more often, let ‘er rip; we can handle it and if you can give or get a chuckle out of it, even better.  Laughter really is contagious; so is yawning, but that’s another post.

February 28, 2010 - Posted by | Musings | , ,


  1. Well, you big, bossy butted human, let me be the first to say I will never, ever un-friend you (is that a word?) no matter how obnoxious you are. I’m sure it’s purely selfish and only to cover my own ass so you don’t unfriend me. But damnit I’m not fat. My mom told me so!!!
    Great stuff…Love you, mean it!

    Comment by Margie Jennings | February 28, 2010 | Reply

  2. But I am amazing like Mother Theresa and there is nothing wrong with my worshipers pointing that out once in a while…..especially on facebook where I can gain other followers….Did I mention the humility? I thought so.

    Comment by kandis | February 28, 2010 | Reply

  3. thank you. seriously, i sometimes wonder how people don’t/can’t laugh at themselves! and why all the ridiculous fb remarks about how much one loves their “honey bear” and how blessed one feels and how wonderful it all is. . . that’s really not what this platform is for, right?. . . or is it? i read these comments or “status updates” and hear my evil, cynical voice take over and i can’t help it. does this just run in our family?

    anyway, i enjoy your honesty and please keep it coming.

    Comment by meredith | February 28, 2010 | Reply

    • I believe that it runs RAMPANT in our family:) We have very highly tuned BS meters and I suspect that growing with Frank, has REALLY tuned yours, since he tosses so much of it:) HAHAHAHA!

      Comment by janelondon | February 28, 2010 | Reply

  4. So I guess you won’t be one of those who give me dirty looks when I tell my 7 year old to man up when he gets his little feelings hurt over trivial things. I think that’s where this crap starts. When we shelter our little ones from every stupid little thing that comes along. Next thing ya know we have a bunch of adult sized babies running around who can’t handle critisizm.

    Comment by Mike | February 28, 2010 | Reply

  5. I think we ALREADY have a bunch of adult sized babies running around who can’t handle much, let alone criticism!!! I call them ‘adolescent adults’, and they’re everywhere! Re: you, Jane, your humor and honesty is what makes you so much fun to know. Fuck ’em if they don’t have a sense of humor! xoxo

    Comment by Kathy | March 1, 2010 | Reply

  6. Okay, I’m now here to disagree with you on some levels. I had the night to think about what your words actually said and I’m not so sure that I can take them to heart. I think it’s one thing to laugh at yourself and completely another to tell your friends that they are beautiful, friendly or even an angel. We all know that we are not perfect, but my friends are special to me. I appreciate each and everyone of them for the gifts, talents or efforts that they put forth in their lives. It’s a sad day when I should feel guilty about telling them that I think so. I am not afraid to call them on their crap, but I don’t think that it necessarily needs to be or should be in a public forum like facebook.
    You know that I acknowledge that I am far from perfect adn I’m the FIRST person to call me on my faults, but when I do accomplish something or do something of note, it’s nice to have a couple of kudos thrown my way. No butt kissing needed.

    Comment by kandis | March 1, 2010 | Reply

    • You’re right and I certainly would never discourage anyone from telling someone they’re special, but you hit the nail on the head: Doing it on Facebook is a bit cheesy. If someone is truly dealing with a difficult issue or has accomplished something , encouragement from your friends is nice. On the other hand, if we choose to live our lives, publicly on the World Wide Web, we should be ready for the inevitable smart aleck, like me! Maybe since I’ve been on the radio for so long, living my life VERY publicly, I’m used to the emails and phone calls, etc. telling me that I’m full of it. It’s truly part of my daily existance to hear from people who don’t like me or what i said, etc.
      But, I stick myself out there everyday and it’s part of the bargain….just like Facebook:)

      Comment by janelondon | March 1, 2010 | Reply

  7. I LOVED this. Thank you. God, I hope I’m not one of those kisser upper people, even though I’m a bit of a cockeyed optimist. But I love humor and I love sarcasm and I LOVE your comments. I’m with Margie. Never will I unfriend you (silly, stupid new words, thanks to the internet; I still can’t bring myself to say “I texted so-and-so”…it seems grammatically incorrect). Anyway…keep up your writing, your bullshit meter, your humor. And I just let out a big burp. Cuz I’m human.

    Comment by Francesca Amari | March 1, 2010 | Reply

    • You are a sweet, idealist Francesca. Probably because you came from such a big, loving family. But, to be able to balance that with an appreciation of sarcasm is a pretty good combo platter!
      Nice bodily function reference, too:)

      Comment by janelondon | March 1, 2010 | Reply

  8. The only thing I won’t tolerate from others is asshole-like behavior. I can take stark honesty and criticism with a good attempt at gracefulness and humor (It doesn’t always work, you know. If I’m PMSing and haven’t had any chocolate, forget it!). But as soon as someone starts just being flat out mean, that’s it. I will be putting on my emotional armor and will never trust that person ever again. I don’t have the time or the energy to waste my time on people who are constantly assholes.

    Comment by Roxanne Rieske | March 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Sounds like you have someone in mind:)

      Comment by janelondon | March 1, 2010 | Reply

      • OY! Yes. Unfortunately it’s someone I am forced to be around with 2 days out of my week. I keep a rubber band around my wrist on those days to snap when I find myself getting stressed out about his behavior. It’s a good way to remind myself it has nothing to do with me. 🙂

        Comment by Roxanne Rieske | March 1, 2010

  9. Thinking more on this…I was raised w/ the adage that if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone than you shouldn’t say anything at all. Maybe it’s just me, but I do consider that to be polite, considerate behavior, which I think most people deserve. Just because you smell bullshit, doesn’t mean you should always point it out. Emotional Intelligence is the ability to discern the situation (especially the emotional constitution of the person you’re dealing with) before opening your mouth. If it is just going to hurt them, then why say it? It doesn’t get you anywhere. People just become fodder for your own entertainment at that point, which is really sad and pathetic in the end, especially for friends and family. This doesn’t mean you need blow sunshine up everyone’s butt all the time. There is a BIG difference between kissing ass and considerate, respectful behavior. There is also a big difference between kissing ass and giving someone praise when praise is rightfully earned. The most successful people that I can see are those who can manage the intricate art of shoveling aside the bullshit they come across everyday in a tactful manner that doesn’t shred someone else’s dignity into pieces.

    Comment by Roxanne Rieske | March 1, 2010 | Reply

    • Well said. My point isn’t to be mean or cruel to people; my point is that women, in particular seem to have a hard time standing up for themselves and calling BS when they see it. There is a HUGE difference between calling out someone you know and love, flagellating someone for fun. And I completely agree about the difference between butt kissing and consideration, but THAT is the key:) Too much of the former, not enough of the latter.
      Seems as if my post got you going, eh?

      Comment by janelondon | March 1, 2010 | Reply

  10. Thanks Jane! This discussion has been therapeutic for me. 🙂

    Comment by Roxanne Rieske | March 1, 2010 | Reply

  11. Now I want to go to A&W for a root beer! Or maybe I should just go somewhere for a regular beer. Nah. Do they have A&W in Colorado?

    Comment by imasink | March 5, 2010 | Reply

  12. Jane, your honesty is refreshing. I think my lack of BS attitude is why I am friends with more guys than girls. I can’t blow smoke up people’s a$$es for the sake of blowing smoke.

    Comment by Christine | February 2, 2012 | Reply

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