Present Tense

My annual realistic Christmas letter

Dear Friends and Family:

Another year has passed and I hope this holiday season finds you well.  As I write this,  Junior our 1 year-old Jack Russell terrier is resting comfortably on the couch after a harrowing night of vomiting that had me scrambling for paper towels and carpet cleaner.

Junior joined the family about a year ago and his habit of eating anything that won’t eat him has certainly kept us on our toes in 2011.  His diet includes wood, rocks, rubber flip-flops, whole rodents, styrofoam, bones, animal poop, and the latest, large amounts of wild bird seed.  Apparently, bird food isn’t proper dog food.  Who knew?

He’s blended into the family nicely and he and Chili are best buddies, when they’re not fighting.

The four of us (two dogs, two humans) squeezed into the SUV twice this past year and made the long road trip to Michigan, to visit my parents and family.  The second trip was an epic 4000 mile test of our patience, that took us from Colorado to Battle Creek, Michigan and on up to northern Michigan to visit friends in Traverse City.

We then decided to take the northern route home; the furthest north we could get and still remain in the U.S. of A.  So, we crossed the mighty Mackinac bridge and explored the Upper Peninsula of my home state of Michigan.  Dee was glad to have me along to translate ‘yooper’ for him.  After a couple of days, my response to everything was “yaaaaah, suuuuure”.

Back in colorful Colorado, we embarked on an expensive re-do of our leach field (for you city folk, that’s part of our septic system).  The front yard was torn up for most of the summer, causing great concern for our neighbors, who stopped by regularly to inquire as to when we might cover the unsightly ditches in our yard.

Our health is good; in fact, I don’t think we’ve had one doctor visit this entire year, which Dee attributes to his new habit of popping a Flintstones vitamin every night before bed.  I have been on bio-identical hormone treatment since last summer to smooth out the rough edges of peri-menopause and help me transition into old age in a far less shrew-like manner.  Dee said he didn’t think there were enough hormones in the world to accomplish that.

As I write this, my beloved and beleagured Detroit Lions have a chance of making the playoffs this year, which proves to me during this wonderful holiday season, that miracles do indeed happen, although I’m pretty  sure that it will only turn out to be a small case miracle as the rest of the season plays out.

We hope your year was as mundane and lacking in drama as ours and that you will embrace and enjoy this holiday season.  Maybe next year, we’ll have something to brag about, like a new compact car or something.  Oh, wait, 2012 is an election year…and we all know nothing gets done in an election year.


Jane and Demos

December 5, 2011 - Posted by | Musings | , , , , , , ,


  1. I always look forward to listening to you letter on the radio each year. Each one makes me laugh when I think of the typical Christmas letter that goes on and on….

    Have a Merry Christmas

    Comment by W. H. Grell | December 5, 2011 | Reply

  2. Short, sweet and to the point! And funny.

    Comment by francine | December 5, 2011 | Reply

  3. love it…i can see right through you;) xoxo

    Comment by Margie | December 5, 2011 | Reply

  4. Hi Jane!

    I can relate to your munchy terrier trouble. I, too, have a terrier who is known for eating everything that touches his nose. When we picked him up to come home, my family was dying to know what I’d name him. I couldn’t find a name that fit. We rode the whole way from Salina, KS to Denver with a no-name dog.

    Upon arrival, I set him down in the kitchen and gave him dinner. He vacuumed the food down like he’d never eaten before! He then explored the house and would sniff and eat every little pebble, crumb, twig, or fuzz on the floor. Hence, we named him Kirby, for the vacuum. I spent so much time chasing him around yelling KirbyDontEatThat!!! That he is officially registered with the full name, KirbyDontEatThat!!!

    He’s a clown. I’m wondering if his name is a self fulfilling prophecy, though…

    Comment by Leslie | December 5, 2011 | Reply

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