Present Tense

Must….gain…..control!!!!

I think I found a cure for the restlessness that I’ve written about over the past few months.  It’s a 10 acre farm in Northern Michigan.  Kind of drastic I know but, it’s done the trick; I’m no longer restless, I’m frantic.

The zen-like calm and ‘letting it go’ philosophy that I’ve been carefully cultivating has crumbled over the past few weeks.  I won’t completely bore you with a long story, but once I saw this beautiful property I had to have it and that’s when it took an ugly turn.  I obsessed about the price, about the location, about the neighbor next door, about an easement into the property, about how I could make it MINE, MINE, MINE!!!!!

I analyzed, over-analyzed, called an attorney, drove my realtor nuts with questions and demands and this was all before we made an offer.  Once the offer was made, we were told that someone else had also stepped up and since this was a bank-owned property, we’d have to come up with a ‘last, best offer’.  This was it: how bad did I really want it?

More obsessing, more phone calls to my real estate broker friends, more pouring over our finances and investments, more calls to my mortgage broker and banker.  Gotta get this perfect property.  So, we made our last, best offer:  full price, cash, no contingencies.  High risk, high reward;  it was exhilarating and scary.  I have to admit, the full-contact competitor in me kind of enjoyed it.

Our offer was accepted (YAY!) but unfortunately, that has resulted in even more bad behavior for the past two weeks.  I’ve lost weight, I can’t sleep, I’m driving people at various banks crazy with my push to GET THIS DONE!   We’ve been packing up stuff in our current house to take to the second house that we don’t even technically own yet and the move won’t occur until late June.  That’s right:  I MUST HAVE ACTION!

So, let’s get to the point of this story:  I’ve spent two years scrubbing this kind of thinking and behavior out of my life.  Writing, meditation, yoga, turning things over to the cosmos and suddenly, within a couple of weeks, I’m right back where I was:  In full-blown control freak mode.  It’s absolutely exhausting.  Sound familiar, fellow control freaks?

I’ve learned that if you just let life evolve, it all works out; maybe not in MY time frame or in the perfectly logical way that I envision it in my mind at 2 a.m., but life does tend to just unfold, if we let it.  I broke my own rules and I’ve been miserable for a couple of weeks.  It feels like trying to pull a very heavy load up a slippery slope of gravel.  Gravity and the universe are telling me to go around the hill, even though it might take a little more time and patience because in the end it’s much easier; much less hard work.

So, this weekend, I’m chillin’.  The loan will get done when it gets done; the closing will happen and in two months none of this angst will have made one iota of difference.   If I’m philosophical about it, this experience is a microcosm of our lives.  It’s a process that unfolds every second, where infinite numbers of people and circumstance affect little old me and there is really not a whole lot that I can control in that process.  I can control me and my reactions…period.

Did I mention the farm is across the street from a lake? And that it has an apple orchard and that it’s 1500 miles from where we live?   Breathe, Jane…..breeeeaaathe.

May 5, 2012 - Posted by | Musings

7 Comments »

  1. I have so many of these same traits and you always seem to write just what I need to hear at that time. Amazing! Congratulations on the beautiful farm.

    Comment by Marge Beem | May 5, 2012 | Reply

  2. Jane,
    Some things are just meant to be….relax and enjoy!!! It’ll work out…
    The place looks lovely and somewhere you’ll enjoy living… I Love Michigan. The lakes, orchards and people.. good job!

    Comment by Adrienne Blue | May 5, 2012 | Reply

  3. It looks great and I am sure you will enjoy it.
    At the risk of sounding selfish, does this mean that soon, someone else will be talking to me on my morning commute?

    Comment by Philip | May 7, 2012 | Reply

    • No, it doesn’t….of course, I guess it depends on your definition of “soon”:)
      J

      Comment by janelondon | May 7, 2012 | Reply

  4. You take carpe diem to a new level! I actually wish I had MORE of those traits, but I see how it could be really stressful…sounds like you’re finding (now) a happy balance between making things happen for yourself and letting things happen. Good luck and once it’s actually yours, may you find a sense of peace there!!

    Comment by francescaamari (@francescaamari) | May 7, 2012 | Reply

  5. Congrats to you and the Prince and the doggies. Without giving out too much information what town are you near?

    Comment by Tim | May 7, 2012 | Reply

    • Traverse City. On the Leelanau Peninsula. It’s seriously like a dream. Beautiful….

      Comment by janelondon | May 7, 2012 | Reply


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