Present Tense


“Recalibrating…Recalibrating… Recalibrating”…..

My brain has been like a confused GPS unit all week.  I thought that I was prepared for this kind of situation.  Why do I meditate?  Why do I study?  Why have I spent so much time reminding myself to live in this moment and that life is all about change and evolution?  That was all supposed to help me cope with the inevitable course alterations that are required of a functioning human.

I’ve spent the better part of the past year preparing for a transition in our lives.  Emotionally, financially, physically; the whole package.  I did this knowing that it all might not play out the way I was anticipating.  The whole point of a mindfulness practice is to remind ourselves that all we know is this particular moment.  All we really know is that life changes randomly despite our best-laid plans.

So, when a ‘recalibration’ became necessary, why did it freak me out?  Because old habits are so very ingrained in all of us.  I hate that.  Enlightenment is extremely hard work when your brain is so damned stubborn.

I want what I want, NOW.  I cannot stand uncertainty.  I need to have firm plans. I am dangling and swinging in the wind. ARGH!

So, as I sat on my meditation cushion this morning, it suddenly hit me: I’ll be fine.  With whatever transpires.  I planned for one scenario, but I’m open and ready to embrace the other one that has suddenly appeared.   Either one will be great.

The funny thing about my current angst is that I’ve always been a glass half-full type when it comes to how my life has played out.  Things typically work out just fine.  Yes, there are challenges, but we adapt.  We recalibrate.  I must keep reminding myself that it all unfolds as it will.  I can only respond in a healthy and flexible way.

I was listening to a podcast the other day from some talks at a Buddhist retreat center and a couple of concepts jumped up and stuck in my brain like  post-it notes.  “Respond, rather than react” and “pay attention; don’t cling”.    Allow yourself the time to ponder and assess your new circumstance and then don’t hang onto the old one and expect it to change. Don’t cling to the pre-conceptions or the ‘what ifs’ that can clog up our brains and cause us such suffering and pain.

I’m marching toward a fork in the road and either path is fine.  Either path will contain joy, pain, challenges, peace, happiness, tragedy, growth.  Because that’s life.

March 9, 2013 - Posted by | Musings | , , , , , , , , , , ,


  1. Jane, would love to know where I can find these Podcasts…would you mind sharing? I continue to believe we are kindred spirits on the same life journey, with you being further along that me. Your sharing allows me to ponder similar events in my life. Life long habits die hard, but they do die with practice, practice and more practice. Keep moving forward and embrace your new journey.

    Comment by Carol | March 9, 2013 | Reply

    • Carol:
      Click on the word “podcast” in the post. It will link you to them.

      Comment by janelondon | March 9, 2013 | Reply

  2. We want to control the uncontrollable because we already control the controllable. Conclusion: we want to control EVERYTHING.

    Comment by Byron | March 9, 2013 | Reply

  3. Jane, your thoughts remind me of a poem that my yoga instructor shared with our class a while back: “Let It Go” by Dana Foulds. I’m struggling to adjust and grow roots in a new city, far away and very different from my familiar life in Denver, and this poem moved me to tears.

    Comment by Dianne | March 9, 2013 | Reply

    • Thanks!
      I’ll look it up.

      Comment by janelondon | March 10, 2013 | Reply

  4. I’m going through my own recalibration right now. And it’s the worst I’ve ever experienced…picture a life somewhere new with someone new only to discover you’ve made a big mistake and now I have to learn how to shore up the foundation so the entire house doesn’t crumble to the ground. I feel like the treadmill is stuck on an 8 incline but I’ve no choice but to hop on and do what has to be done regardless while I try to figure out how to fix the damn thing. It’s so very hard to let go of the what ifs and just believe this is happening the way it’s meant to happen. Your words, “dangling and swinging in the wind” hit home. And I hate it. And just when I find relief and balance, change smacks me upside the head again. I’m often encouraged by your thoughts and if nothing else they give me pause long enough to at least take a breath.

    Comment by mona pray | March 10, 2013 | Reply

    • Mona:
      I was reading a book yesterday and one of the things she said that stuck with me: “this isn’t what I wanted, but this is what I’ve got”. We face it, accept it and then respond. Sometimes that means turning around and retreating from the path we’ve chosen. Sometimes it means stopping and just sitting with it for awhile, but mostly we have to stop struggling.
      Best of luck

      Comment by janelondon | March 10, 2013 | Reply

  5. Life is a constant recalibration.

    Comment by Jessi | March 10, 2013 | Reply

    • EXACTLY!!:)
      Some of us need constant reminders to chill and let it flow.

      Comment by janelondon | March 10, 2013 | Reply

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