Present Tense

Goodbye, Miss Chili…..

chili

Our dog died yesterday.  The pain of losing her is acute; like a cleaver in the middle of my chest.  I can barely breath, let alone talk about losing her.  I can only write.

Chili was 11. Too young for a 10 pound Jack Russell Terrier to leave us, but it seems that she had cancer that shut down her liver.  Very quickly.  She was dead in 3 weeks after extensive medical intervention.

This was not what I had planned.  I figured we’d get at least 15 years out of this wee one.  I was diligent about her health and her diet.  Those who know me, would probably describe it more as fanatical.  I was determined to keep her with me as long as possible and to stretch her lifespan to the limits.

But, here I am.  Learning the lesson again that in this life, we eventually lose everything that we love.  Nothing lasts forever.  We are finite on planet earth.  All of us.  All of our dogs.  All of our loved ones. God, that hurts.

For the past 3 weeks, I reverted back to my control freak persona.  I just KNEW that despite the doctors being completely baffled as to how to treat her and their warnings that her prognosis was grim, I could fix her.  Diet, supplements, love, acupuncture, fluids, love, exercise, love, fresh air, hope.  I didn’t eat, I barely slept, I Googled every medicine and supplement and every possibility of what could possibly be wrong with her.

She got weaker and yellower from the jaundice.  Her life force was ebbing, but I powered on.  “This will be the day she turns around”.

She had one last good day on Thursday.  We loaded her and our other dog Junior in the car and took a drive around Lake Leelanau to see the colors and the lake.  We stopped at every park and boat ramp and she trotted out and stood in the lake.  She stood and savored the water lapping at her belly.  We chuckled at how much coaxing it took to get her to come back to the car.

That was it.  She knew.  She gave us a good day to remember and said goodbye to the water that she loved.  Dogs are smart and intuitive. Their connection to the universe may be a little more well-tuned than ours.

We are human, hear us roar.  We can FIX THINGS!  Can’t we?

This was the first time that I had the courage to be present for a pet’s final breath.  I held her all night on Friday and said my goodbyes and so I was ready to help her pass.  It was peaceful and a relief to know that she wasn’t suffering any longer.

Chili was a dog that always looked me in the eye and told me exactly what she needed from me.  She was ‘my’ dog.  I knew that that bond required that I be there for her at the end.

She is buried in a lovely spot, under an oak tree, near our barn.  I’m having a very hard time letting her go and I know the pain will dull into pleasant memories in time.  It always does.  It’s a lesson we learn every time we love.

October 27, 2013 - Posted by | Musings | , , , , , , , , ,

71 Comments »

  1. I am so very sorry. I listened to your show when I lived in Denver and so enjoyed the “Chili” stories. I, too, have an elderly rescue Boxer that is my most beloved companion ever and have been fanatical about her health so that I can keep her with me as long as possible. My heart goes out to you. What you wrote is beautiful.

    Comment by Rhonda Thornton | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  2. Jane, I know you did EVERYTHING you could to keep your girl around just a little bit longer. You will never have to let her go completely. Not seeing her everyday will be hard. Pull out the pictures and videos when you are lonely for her. You may cry or laugh, but let the emotion out. Don’t keep it bottled up inside. Thank you again for sharing your wonderful stories of Chili with us. As listeners of your show, we are all feeling our own sense of loss as well. Take care.

    Comment by Mireille Perez | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  3. My sincere condolences. I didn’t understand how sad a person can feel about losing a dog until ours passed a year ago. Yes, nothing lasts forever … so remember how great you and Miss Chili were together and she will, in some, way always be with you.

    Comment by Big Mike | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  4. Don’t blame yourself Jane. We don’t have super powers, despite what we often think. We can’t fix everything. It takes time to accept that but, you will. Eventually you will be able to make peace with that part of it.

    Comment by Mike | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  5. Your post is beautiful, Jane. It does make your heart hurt and breathing difficult, it’s the physical manifestations of loss and grief. That’s the double edged sword of loving a pet. We go into the relationship knowing, most likely, we’ll have to say good bye to them some day which is always too soon. Yet we still keep doing it, because that bond, which is there for a finite time, we know in our heads, is worth the pain which ensues when they leave us. You and PC gave Chili a wonderful life, creating so many great memories you’ll have of her once this pain fades a bit.

    Comment by Christine Rack | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  6. I said out loud a sad, “ohhhh…” when I saw your post and couldn’t explain it to my husband how I feel I know you and Chili from hearing your stories. Your writing is lovely and will also be a source of strength for me and others in the future. Enjoy your memories.

    Comment by Kirsten | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  7. Oh Jane I am so sorry for your loss. You are a very strong woman and you will find your peace in this .Your post is a beautiful picture of Your first steps in the healing process.
    You are in my thoughts and prayers
    Marge

    Comment by marge beem | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  8. Jane,
    I was so sorry to see your post on Facebook that you had lost little Chili. Your writing is a beautiful tribute to the love and bond that you shared with her. She was more than a pet to you, she was a part of you. Now that her physical being is gone, the part of her in your heart is tender and broken, but after time the sting will lessen. Give yourself time to grieve and remember the joy she gave you and piece by piece time will put your heart back together. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Comment by Terri | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  9. I can feel your pain as I have been through this process a few times. It is hard to let go of a loved pet. They fill our lives with so much joy. My prayers are with you.

    Comment by imconfident | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  10. Beautiful words. Remembering the unspeakable pain when the “dog of your heart” goes on ahead of us. Grieving with you, and praying for peace for you.

    Comment by Susan Herr | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  11. Lovely, Jane. And I especially loved how she ‘knew’. Dogs are amazing that way.

    Comment by Penny Levit Ester | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  12. Oh Jane I am so sorry for your loss. Five ago weeks my 3 year old “big yellow dog Savanna fell over and died while we were on a walk. There is still a huge hole in my life. Thoughts and Prayers for you, PC and Junior.

    Comment by Andrea Andersen | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  13. I am so so sorry for your loss. Your feelings are beautifully expressed and I hope I will gain strength from them as I watch my Frances’ health deteriorate. Our pets give us a special kind of love…make us kinder and gentler. Obviously, Chili did that for you. Take good care.
    Francesca

    Comment by Francesca Amari | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  14. Hi Jane. I am so sorry for the loss of your Chili. It is never easy to accept the fact that their lives are so much shorter than ours, but in the short amount of time that they are with us they make such an amazing difference in our lives and that of others. So far, I’ve only had to put one dog down, Casey, my first dog, and when it was time for him to go, I sat down on the floor of the vet’s office next to him while he went to that rainbow bridge I believe we all go. For the first couple of years, yes, years, little things and other dogs that looked like him would bring me to tears. Even writing this is a little difficult, but, and this is a big but:), if I had to do it all over again knowing how much pain I’d have to go through, I’d do it again. He taught me so many things, and because of him I believe to be a better person. Your Chili was gorgeous, but beyond looks I am pretty sure that she filled your life with love and that is something you always keep with you. Let time help you deal with Chili’s loss. You’ll never forget, but time does make it bearable to not have them with us anymore. Take care.

    Comment by Marcela | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  15. Jane, I gasped when I read the title of your post. I am so sorry for your loss, I know how special Chili was to you and I can relate so much to your pain. I will always remember the day I had to put down my 18 year old dog, Shelby, who was my friend, my child, and my biggest fan. It was one of the most painful days of my life. But, even after 10 years and now another aging dog, I still have great memories of her and am thankful for the time we had together. Chili’s little spirit will remain with you always.

    Comment by Kristin Dye | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  16. Jane, just beautiful – thanks for sharing with us. She definitely was your soulmate. Take time to grieve. I’m crying thinking of you and Chili as well as the dogs that I have lost. I’m headed to give big hugs to Roscoe and Stella right now. Take care of yourself.

    Comment by Carolyn | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  17. For if the terrier be well remembered, if sometimes she leaps through your dreams actual as in life, eyes kindling, laughing, begging, it matters not where that terrier sleeps.
    On a hill where the wind is unrebuked and the trees are roaring or beside a stream she knew in puppyhood or somewhere in the flatness of a pastureland where most exhilarating horses graze.
    It is one to a terrier and all one to you and nothing is gained and nothing lost, if memory lives.
    But there is one best place to lay a terrier to rest.
    If you bury them in this place they will come to you when you call. Come to you over the grim, dim frontiers of death, and down the well remembered path and to your side again.
    And though you may call a dozen living dogs to heal, they shall not growl at her nor resent her coming, for she belongs there.
    People may scoff at you who see no lightest blade of grass bent by her footfall, who hear no whimper, people who have never really had a terrier.
    Smile at them for you shall know something that is hidden from them.
    The one best place to bury a good terrier is in the heart of her master.

    Comment by Mike | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  18. Jane,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. I have lost a lot of pets and it never gets any easier. Take care.

    Comment by Tania | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  19. Jane,
    I feel your pain over the loss of Chili. I am an animal lover and have gone through the pain of losing many pets over the years. It never gets any easier. It sometimes makes me think “I can’t do this again”. But I do because I know that the love that the little fur kids provide to me is worth the pain that I feel when they are gone. I feel that Chili is still with you in spirit and wanting you to be happy. She is out of pain and you made her life so very wonderful.

    Sending you a hug…..

    Comment by Kathy Freund | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  20. I am SO sorry for your loss, Jane. A gentleman that I follow on FB wrote “I breathe but I cannot catch my breath” after the loss of his beloved dog, Schoep, and it is so true. May all of the good memories you shared with Chili comfort you.

    Comment by Rae Manzanares | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  21. I am so sorry for your loss. No words can adequately how it feels to lose a pet. Their love is unconditional and they ask so little. Please accept my deepest condolences.

    Comment by Philip | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  22. Jane, I am sorry for the physical loss of Chili. As you probably remember we lost our 9 yr old Golden on 1/8 and we still hear her and look for her. They are special beings. They know which path we want to go on before we do. Yes, everything we love comes to a physical end, including us. Then, we see them again. Either on a beach, a bridge or a piece of woods. A boat ride or a walk in the park. The chase of a chipmunk or the defense from the dreaded mailman. They were family and will always be there in our memories and hearts. It still sucks. Part of it is the powerlessness to help them in their time of need. Take care.

    Comment by Tim Lankerd, Ann Arbor, Mi. | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  23. Awww lovely Jane. She was ever so loved!

    Comment by Leslie S | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  24. Jane- I am so sorry for your loss. Losing a child is never easy be it human or canine. I know that you did everything under the sun to fix her. That there was no stone left unturned in your attempts to make Chili better. In the end you did what was best for her and released her from her pain. She will forever be with you. I will keep you in my thoughts in the coming days and weeks as you mourn the loss of your precious Chili.

    Comment by Karin Sanderson | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  25. I don’t have anything that I can say that hasn’t been said a hundred times over. When you’re ready to talk… you will. Until then, thoughts are powerful. I love you… I grieve with thee.

    Comment by kandisnz | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  26. I am so sorry. Unfortunately, I understand exactly how you feel. We lost our much loved shar-pei, Abby almost a month ago to cancer. From the time she was diagnosed, to the end was only about 3 weeks. It was devastating, and I get exactly what heartbroken means. It is a physical pain. I hope you, PC and Junior are taking care of yourselves, and will find some comfort in memories of Chili’s great life with you.

    Comment by Melanie Hall | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  27. Our pets bring us such joy in life and unbelieveable pain in death. That sweet little Chili sure loved you, and she was so lucky to have had such a wonderful life with you!

    Comment by barbslistaylor | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  28. Sending love and healing light Jane.

    Comment by Terri | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  29. Thank you, Jane, for writing about Chili. She was certainly a special dog and was so loved by you and PC and many others, whether she ever met them or not. Please keep telling the great Chili stories so we can all remember her!

    Comment by Lisa Stevens | October 27, 2013 | Reply

  30. Oh my lovely Jane, I feel your pain so deeply, bring back tearful memories of putting my 18 year old Sheltie Gypsy to sleep in 2002. I cried no bawled every morning in the shower to bring her back. Thinking about her was a punch between the eyes. I’m crying right now remembering her, my dog who grew up with my kids, protected us, loved us, slept under my daughter’s crib when she was born. Her puppy Maxie who was the runt of the litter and purebred never got bigger than chihuahua, also lived a long life until age 17. And I just put a rescue Sheltie that I got on St. Patrick’s Day to sleep after we determined he had a blood clot from the host of medical issues caused by a terrible owner and being dumped by said owner. Still his passing was very sudden, and I love him so much just in the short time we had him. We love our pets, each and every one of them, to the fullest, and they love us back. I am so glad you were there for Chili, every pet should have owners that love them that much! I still have my almost 12 year old Sheltie that I got in 2002 from the Colorado Sheltie Rescue, whom I love to death and yet I know that I won’t have him forever. Bless you and know that you are in my thoughts as I just went through the same thing. I do know that all of my pets will be waiting for me at the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

    Comment by meekocat | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  31. So very sorry to hear about Chili, Jane. Our pets fill such special roles in our lives — every pet owner knows what you’re going through. Take care!!!

    Comment by Michelle | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  32. Jane, animals play such an important part of our lives. The compassion you showed how much you cared and loved your Chili. I know I will be the same when my Monster Child Brewster will leave. I consider him a child and there’s nothing like that loss. My heart aches for your loss. Day by Day is what it will take but you have that last memory of her good day before here passing to remind you of all the good times you had with her.

    Comment by Sandy Correia | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  33. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    I lost my cat, Precious, after 19 years this past June and it was, still is, the most difficult experience I’ve had to deal with so far in my life.

    She was my first sense of true responsibility, when I was 5 years old, and became my best friend very quickly.
    My family believes that she was a “healing cat”, as she would always be there for comfort when someone needed it (an upset tummy? She’d lay across you. Headache? Her purrs worked faster than any medicine.)

    Towards the end of her life she started going downhill very quickly, and within 2 weeks I had to make the decision to put her down…
    She had stopped eating and drinking water, I tried to give her her “spark” back with baby food, and it worked for a little while, but one day I knew it was her time.
    As she had been a comfort to me for all those years, I was able to be her final comfort in return.

    The day I took her to be put down was the hardest, must terrifying day I’ve ever had to face. I’ve never been faced with a major loss of a family member before.
    I was able to hold her during her final moments, I felt her finally at ease and I said my final goodbye…
    I now wear a ring with a cat’s face in her memory, as well as wearing her paw print as a tattoo on my ankle.

    I know how terrible the pain of losing a pet, a family member is, and I hope that you heal quickly from your loss of Chili.

    With Love,
    Kayla Dyer
    (Arvada, CO)

    Comment by Kayla | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  34. Thank you for sharing your loss with us. I wish there were words I could give you that would make it easier but there are none. We love our pets sometimes deeper than we do our humans. So the loss is that much more heart wrenching. Again, thank you for giving of yourself during this painful time.

    Comment by modernpatrician | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  35. Dear Jane, I can’t tell you how sorry I am to hear your loss. Dogs are smart and they don’t want you to know until the very end. About a year ago we had a lab she was only 9. The weekend before she died, she wanted that one last hike, that one last jump in the water. She didn’t let me know she was sick until a few days later. She stopped eating and drinking. I took her to the vet and got that awful call. Shelby has a tumor covering one kidney and the other is almost covered along with a tumor on the bladder. I wanted to bring her home for one last night so we could all hold her, but the vet said it would be best to come say goodby their. Why she never told me she was so sick so I could help her. I will never know. It will get easier day by day, but I have to tell you I am crying right now knowing how you are feeling and going back to the day I said goodbye to my baby. Thoughts and prayers are with you. Know that Chili is in doggie heaven playing with all her new friends😄❤️

    Comment by Rhonda | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  36. Jane, I am so very sorry to hear about Chili’s passing. It was apparent after listening to the Dom and Jane Show for years how much she means to you. There is no pain like the pain of losing a pet. Chili knew until the very end how much you cared for her and tried your best to make her better.

    My family had to put our dog, Crackers, down when I was in college; we had had her since I was six. That toy poodle was an absolute joy and had the sweetest, gentlest temperament. She had been with me for most of my life at that point. In the 17 years since we let her go, she isn’t far from my thoughts.

    Last year, my ex-boyfriend and I had to put our cat, Warren, to sleep as he was having organ failure. My ex, Rob, and I broke up five years ago but remained friends. Warren had found Rob when Warren was a young stray. That skinny cat just strolled up to Rob looking for attention, and who can say no to that. 17 years is how long those two were together; I was the latecomer into the relationship and instantly fell in love with both boys. My Warren ran to the door to greet me when I came home, snuggled in bed next to me when I was sick, laid in my lap and purred when I cried. He was my baby, and both of his parents held him as he went to sleep. I love him and think of him everyday.

    I believe we will be reunited with our pets again some day. Chili is waiting for you, so you can take more trips to the lake together. Peace to you, Jane.

    Comment by Marji Perkins | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  37. I have listened through the years, smiled and laughed at your stories with your sweet, furry kids. I am praying for strength, peace and comfort for you and your family. Chili was blessed to have such a wonderful Mom and Dad. I am so sorry for your loss.

    Comment by Candace Cito | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  38. Hi Jane, your wrote a beautiful post in a loving tribute to Chili. I have loved your stories about your and PC’s canine kids over the last few years. I, too, have lost 2 Golden Retrievers also too young, (9, and 7), and understand the headache and grief. Remember the fond memories and all the pictures you have of Chili, Junior and PC. The pain never goes away, but it does get easier over time…. Sending hugs.

    Comment by Cathy Begun | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  39. I’m so sorry to hear about your little Chili. Listening to the show, I felt she was a part of my family, too. My thoughts and prayers are with you, and I hope the healing won’t take too long as you remember her and all the good times you had together.

    Comment by Carol Harris | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  40. Dear jane, I am so sorry to hear the passing of “Chili”. I have to tell you how right you are saying dogs are smart. About a year ago we had a 9 year old lab. The weekend before she passed, she wanted that last hike, that last jump into the water and then she told me she was sick by not eating or drinking and other signs. I took her to the vet and got that awful call. Shelby had a tumor covering her bladder, her left kidney and one starting on her right kidney. I wanted to bring her home and let the whole family hold her, to be with her one last time, but the vet said it would be best to come say our goodbyes their. We spent over 3 hours and still didn’t want to let her go until I got a look in her eyes it was time. Jane, my thought and prayers are with you. Now you know that Chili is in doggie heaven playing with all her new friends.😄❤️

    Comment by Rhonda griffin | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  41. Jane, I am so sorry for the loss of sweet Chili. I know you being there for her at the end was exactly what she needed. I will be thinking about you and your family.

    Comment by Michelle R. | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  42. I am so sorry for your loss. My Timehop app reminded me yesterday that it was 4 years ago my sweet dog, Duncan died. He also got very sick, very fast from a cancer. I still miss him. Thinking of you.

    Comment by Melissa S | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  43. What a lovely tribute to Chili. I hope that is the beginning of your healing. Thoughts and prayers for you and P.C.

    Comment by Cathy Roof | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  44. Jane, our family just lost our 10 year old golden retriever this year…she had a tumor burst in her stomach and slipped away in a matter of hours. She was my mom’s dog, they shared the same bond that you describe having with Chili. I am so sorry for you loss 😦

    Comment by Jill Messinger | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  45. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Losing a pet/loved family member is so hard. Thinking of you during this difficult time.

    Comment by Paulina | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  46. Thanks for sharing your story…I am so sorry for your loss.

    Losing a loved one too soon is extremely difficult to deal with. Our very awesome lab was taken from us by cancer at the age of 3. We fought and fought, always counting on “the next surgery” being the one that worked. Her last surgery, we thought for sure had been successful. For more than 3 months, there was no sign of the aggressive tumor that we had been battling. Margins looked clean, blood work, spotless. Then, one day, it was just…. there. Back. Invading her mouth again. And this time, it came back with a vengeance. It grew exponentially every day and the vet could no longer keep it at bay. He delicately suggested we stop fighting as he knew we could not win.

    We made that tough decision and picked a day that would be her last. She ate like a queen, spent the day at the lake swimming… her most favorite thing to do… and went on a long, leash-less walk in the fields. When we got to the vet, all her favorite people were there and they fed her treats and gave her lots of love. She went so peacefully, tuckered out from her busy day and surrounded by friends and family.

    So I know your heartache and I know your relief. I know the pain is great, but I also know that pain, that “cleaver in your chest”, will begin to lose its intensity. I lastly, I know that depth of love will always remain.

    Comment by Laura Konersman | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  47. Sorry to hear about Chili, I remember when you got her. I have a little one that is getting old and it is just killing me to know that it won’t be long before he’ll be gone from this world and our life. I know the pain in your heart will heal, but grieve as long as you need to.

    Comment by Dorina | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  48. It’s always so difficult. Hopefully you will find comfort in your memories.
    hugz……..from an avid listener to your show.

    Comment by Sharon Madsen | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  49. As you go through your loss I can’t help but remember when I went the loss of my own best friend’s death three years ago. I too, remember that feeling that feels similar to a sharp cleaver going right through my heart. My body felt as though it was shutting down as if it was in protest. Life just didn’t seem worth it if my beloved basset Trever wasn’t a part of it anymore. Then a friend suggested something that helped, not only then but for several weeks after. He suggested that I start to write all of my memories about Trever that I could think of and put them in a special book. I don’t know if it will help for you, but it did for me. It brought him not back to life, but hmm… I don’t know the words to describe it. It gave him a place outside of the darkness I was feeling and a place I could revisit whenever I needed to visit him. Anyway, it’s an idea if you choose to use it is up to you. Please know you are not alone. Please hang in there!

    Comment by knucklestojesus | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  50. That was a beautiful and made me stop and
    appreciate my dog whom at times I want to throttle 🙂 Chili was lucky to have such a loving family.

    Comment by Susan Blosser | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  51. What a wonderful tribute to Chili, Jane. I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your husband as you grieve and then begin to heal.

    Comment by Lisa Jhonson | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  52. So sorry for your loss. My childhood dog passed a few months ago. I wasn’t able to be there for her as she was back east with my parents. They described her final days, her final hours, her final minutes. It was both gut wrenching and calming to know that they were by her side for each labored breath. I felt that pain from 1,500 miles away. You are so brave to have been there for your Miss Chili when she needed you the most.

    Your beautiful words remind me to cherish all that I love, to live in the now, to be as present as possible – despite this busy, chaotic life we all live.

    My husband and I rescued a puppy two months ago. The joy she brings to us is immeasurable. She has her whole life ahead of her, yet I know she won’t be with us forever. So we will cherish every moment with her.

    From my family to yours, wishing you strength to smile through the tears and the joy of good memories to mend your broken heart.

    Comment by Amanda | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  53. Jane I am so sorry to hear about your sweet Chili, I remember when you got her. It is amazing how these wonderful animals become a part of our families. I have a 5 year old Silky Terrier named Bella that I love with all my heart and cannot imagine life without her. You just have to cherish the times you shared and the joy she brought to your life.

    Comment by Brenda Kettlewell | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  54. So sorry. It’s always very sad to lose a pet who is truly family.

    Comment by Jerry | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  55. Oh, Jane. I am so sorry. I remember when you adopted Chilli. You were so funny talking about him. Puppy love at its finest. Didn’t he get poop on you during a road trip with Prince Charming? You don’t really care much. Ha! He loved the squirrels in the tree toy, too. Woohoo!

    I hope the pain subsides to sweet memories soon.

    Hugs and kisses,

    Mindy

    Comment by Mindy m | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  56. Beautifully said. I loved hearing Chili stories – may she rest in peace.

    Comment by judy bourne | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  57. Those button eyes had me at Hello! Thank you Jane for sharing your Chili with us. It means alot to have someone kind of “share” their furr baby with “us” (total strangers, but not really, on some level). You can feel good to know that you did absolutely everything in your power to help her. No regrets on that. I know that when we lost our beloved pup, it really did help to talk and reminise about all the great times we shared. Time heals – but you already know that. Just wishing time would go quicker for you.

    Comment by Sherry | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  58. What a sad loss, what a beautiful post! No words……..RIP Miss Chili!

    Comment by Karen | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  59. AWW, Jane this made me cry. I have had 13 cats over my lifetime and remember each one of them fondly. I know nothing can replace them, but I do know that there are many more cats and dogs out there to love. Since I’ve lived here in CO for 12 years I now have my 14 and 15th cats. We can only enjoy them for the time they are here and they us. I’m sure she knew how good of care you took of her and she will always love you.

    Comment by Kthy Slavik | October 28, 2013 | Reply

  60. Jane I’m a long time listener to the Dom and Jane show. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost a few dogs and its heartbreaking. I feel so bad for you. May your prescious Chile rest in peace. What a beautiful story you wrote I can’t stop crying. 😦

    Comment by Debby Grote | October 29, 2013 | Reply

  61. Oh Jane, my heart breaks for you. I am so sorry! I have myself lost my two dear yorkies, much too soon, over the last year and feel like my heart has been ripped from my chest. I understand the fight as we tried everything under the sun for the both of them spending upwards of $35K. It has definitely taken some time not to focus so much on the hurt and more on the precious time we shared together. Chili was so lucky to have such a great life with you and you should feel good about that. I am sure Junior will provide you with extra cuddles and kisses being the chivalrous boy that he is.

    Rachel

    Comment by Rachel | October 29, 2013 | Reply

  62. Jane, you made it painfully clear how precious our pets lives are, and how we must be grateful for every day we get to spend with them. In reading your story it sounds like Chili would not have enjoyed his life for 10 years if he hadn’t had you to care for his nutritional needs. His last day out and about, sounds like the perfect way to say “goodbye” to the world he knew and was part of. Know that for now, he’ll be at the rainbow bridge, playing with all those other loved ones we had to part with…my sincere condolences, Isabelle

    Comment by Isabelle Beauprez | October 29, 2013 | Reply

  63. Jane, I’m a long time listener and I feel like I knew Chili, maybe, just a little…She was beautiful, and so lucky to have lived a life where she was so loved. Hope your sorrow turns to warm memories soon. Your story was so touching. When I read it I cried and needed extra hugs with my own dog. Take care, Carol

    Comment by Carol Brust | October 30, 2013 | Reply

  64. Jane…I have listened to you on the radio since your first day here in Denver, and have always enjoyed your sharing stories of the antics your dogs could get up to. This tribute to your Chili was so eloquent and heartfelt, all of us who have loved and lost a pet know exactly how you feel. We had to have our 16 year old JRT, Millie, put down last year and it was beyond hard. I know how much of our hearts they take with them in their passing. We share our home now with two rescued Australian Shepherds, one is 9 and the other is 5, and I dread the day these two wonderful dogs will have to leave. It hurts to lose them, but the joy of loving them for all the days they have is worth it. I know that no words can ease your pain now, but may it be less and less each day until all that is left are memories that make you smile. Now I need to go and hug Bailey and Gunner.

    Comment by lin | October 30, 2013 | Reply

  65. Sorry…

    Comment by bgoffe2013 | October 31, 2013 | Reply

  66. Jane, I am so sorry for your loss. It is so very difficult to lose our furry friends that we adore so much. Hugs and peace to you. Deb

    Comment by Deb Strom | November 2, 2013 | Reply

  67. Sorry to hear about your precious dog Jane, I too, have Jacks, I had Izzy that had three pups 5 yrs ago and kept Jugs , her daughter with me. I gave Izzy to my mom because her 2 dogs were very old and I had to move. Jugs was like my child and we did everything together. I lost her to a car accident when she was 3 and it was awful losing her that way. I made a scrap book of her and after 2 years I can look at her picture without crying. I miss her so. I have 2 jacks now that I’ve had for 2 years since they were each 6 weeks old. Mr. Bean is a lot like Jugs and Copper is just a serious Jack that wants to hunt in the back yard but is loving when she wants to be. Jacks do have personalities that are almost human like. I know how much pain your are in. I know that all the dogs I have had and loved over the years will be waiting at the gates of heaven for me and I will see them all again. that is my thought. God bless you Jane. Your voice and personality is so great and I look forward to listening to you in the mornings. We all wish you comfort in your loss from Colo. Karen

    Comment by Karen | November 5, 2013 | Reply

  68. Jane, I’m so sorry about the loss of your sweet Chili. I know it’s so painful and hard, especially when you just know you can fix. I lost my Chandler in March. He had diabetes and was blind. He had a stroke and was paralyzed in his hind legs and back half of body. The vet said he would support whatever we decided. We watched him for several days knowing and willing him to get better. When I would hold him he would look up I felt like he was saying I’m hanging on whiyou fix this. I finally told my sweet Chandler go to sleep it’s ok I will take care of Phoebe. He wouldn’t go to the rainbow bridge we helped him and him his last breath. My heart breaks for you Jane. The best I can say is hold onto the good times. It will get easier some day, 8 months later some days are ok today I’m writing thru the tears. Now I’m a foster mom trying to help them one at a time in memory of my sweet Chandler. Sending you hugs and warm thoughts.

    Comment by She ree Lanouette | November 5, 2013 | Reply

  69. Heartbreaking. All the cliches in the world (you did everything you could, it was her time) can’t help , although you did do everything you could and it was her time.

    My condolences, Jane.

    Comment by moparaventi | November 9, 2013 | Reply

  70. I’m so sorry for your loss. I loved hearing Chili stories. I lost “my Chili” a few years ago though she was a Persian cat. I get what you mean by her being “your dog” and the loss is crushing. I still miss my kitty every single day so though I’m behind on the news, I wanted to let you know you have my deepest condolences.

    Comment by Porche | November 16, 2013 | Reply

  71. […] still things that knock me flat on my ass like the death of my dog, Chili last fall (more on that here).  I’m still brushing myself off from that and have not quite processed the take-away.  But, I […]

    Pingback by “You Will Fail”–Love, The Universe « Present Tense | March 1, 2014 | Reply


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