Present Tense

I’m just not that nice….

2001red-w484h484z1-31928-namaste-bitchesI’ve been on a mission since my retirement. Actually it began well before last November, but since that time, I’ve had nearly 6 months to figure out who I am. I thought that I was leaving a lot of me behind once I left my radio career.

I was saying goodbye to the Jane who was opinionated and vocal and ballsy. I was tired of always having to have something to say. I looked forward to just ‘being’; speaking how and when I wanted to, instead of on cue.

I spent the last 6 months exploring my interest in the sacred and delving more deeply into the metaphysical. I’m even more convinced that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather, spiritual beings having a human experience. There is so much we don’t know, but if we’re quiet, we can begin to feel it.

I’ve dug around hoping to find that ONE nugget of knowledge/insight/enlightenment that would turn on the giant klieg light of my spirit. I hoped that I would suddenly see all and never have to return to the mundane or the old me.

I’m here to report that I’ve determined that is bullshit. There is no nugget. Perhaps a few very devout or lucky people have stumbled into that highest level of energetic vibration and managed to stay there, but for most of us, it’s a process. I’m not saying this in a cynical or defeated way. I will continue my journey and my practices because I see and feel incremental progress.

Meditation is extremely rewarding to me; I’ve gained a great deal of insight into myself and have felt touched and guided by spirit. I’ve learned to ask for help from my spirit guides and they give it. I’ve felt the presence of dear ones who no longer walk the earth and I’ve let go of some longstanding and heavy psychic and emotional wounds. I’ve learned to drop my burdens much more quickly.

I’ve found a community of like-minded seekers and feel welcomed and at home when we meet. I sat in a Native American sweat lodge (loved it!), I’ve studied astrology, aromatherapy, reiki, crystals, esoteric healing, clairvoyance, tarot, grounding, energy clearing, spirit guides, the angelic realm and a little more about Christianity. It’s all fascinating and is part of the divine and mystical stew that I happily swim in.

But, even though I’ve added all of this to my life, I’m still me. I was weeding my garden today on my hands and knees; so calming and soothing to be outside in the sun, digging into the earth, rhythmically pulling and tossing. I was musing about ordering a t-shirt that I had seen online that said “Namaste Bitches” and it hit me: that is my mission. I am a badass, divine warrior.

I realized that I had begun my spiritual study to calm myself. To tone me down. To turn me into a warm, nurturing, earth motherly person, exuding love and kindness and comfort to all. Those are such worthy goals and aspirations, but it’s not me.

Not even down really, really deep. I’m a truth seeker and a truth teller. I have been since I was old enough to remember. I have to know “why” about everything. I have to dig deeper and deeper into everything. It drives my husband (and before him, my mother and teachers) crazy. I’m like a 5 year old. “But, why????”

There are a lot of wonderful, nurturing people in the world. They feed us physically, emotionally and spiritually, without ever asking why. They are unconditionally kind and compassionate and as much as I want to be that person, I am not. And on behalf of other people who are more like me, I will say THANK YOU to all of those who throw that generosity out into the world. Without you, we’d REALLY be fucked.

I’m a loud mouth who must blurt out what many are thinking, but wouldn’t dare say out loud. I question authority and challenge the status quo. I don’t care if “we’ve always done it that way”. If your argument against gay marriage is seriously that we’ve done it one way for thousands of years, I’m not interested. That is ridiculous to me.

So, while I strive to be kind, compassionate and empathetic (I’m really good at the empathy part), I have to be me. I have to fulfill the remainder of my destiny during my time on earth. My radio career was literally written in the stars. After studying my natal astrological chart with an astrologer, we determined that it was just meant to be. That was my purpose, my destiny, my story and my contract.

Moving forward, I feel that I’m here to prod people to think more; to get in touch with their souls and to open their eyes to the truths of modern life.

We are destroying the earth (ever hear that saying “don’t shit where you eat”? Even animals are smarter than we are), we are a country and a world of, by and for the corporation. Whoever has the most money wins. We are being lied to and poisoned and beaten into submission.

My goal is to open eyes and minds. I thought I could go quietly and sneak off to Nirvana, but I can’t. Scorpio sun, Sagittarius moon with Aquarius rising; impossible to just sit quietly.

So, here we go. Look yourself in the eye and figure out how you want to move forward. I’m happy to raise my fist, in the most compassionate and spiritual way possible, and seek and speak my truth.

Let’s do this. Namaste Bitches!

May 15, 2015 - Posted by | Musings | , , , , , , , , , , , ,

28 Comments »

  1. Amen, sister bitch. Namaste and I mean that. The “shadow” is a part of us and I believe it’s the is us that makes is interesting. It shows how human we are.

    Comment by Kandis | May 15, 2015 | Reply

  2. Amen, Namaste Bitches!

    Comment by Maria | May 15, 2015 | Reply

    • Feels good, doesn’t it?:)
      J

      Comment by janelondon | May 21, 2015 | Reply

  3. So eloquent as usual. Love it!

    Comment by Melanie | May 15, 2015 | Reply

  4. Well stated. Be who you were made to be! The world needs you just like that. It’s like you’re a puzzle piece just waiting to fit into the global puzzle, but first you have to learn what your shape is.

    Comment by Jim Grey | May 15, 2015 | Reply

    • Jim,
      I love that imagery. Thanks so much for sharing it!
      J

      Comment by janelondon | May 21, 2015 | Reply

  5. Amen to that…

    Comment by Anita | May 15, 2015 | Reply

    • Anita:
      I’m not sure what you meant…Amen that I’m not that nice or amen to the rest..:)
      No matter. Thanks for the note!
      J

      Comment by janelondon | May 21, 2015 | Reply

  6. She’s Baaack…..

    Comment by Tim Lankerd | May 16, 2015 | Reply

  7. […] I think each of us is a puzzle piece, meant to fit somewhere nicely into this world. The trouble is, we can’t easily see what our shape is, so we know where we should be placed. The most fulfilled among us have figured that out and have put ourselves where we fit. Jane London has figured that out, although she doesn’t say so explicitly. Read I’m just not that nice… […]

    Pingback by Recommended reading | Down the Road | May 16, 2015 | Reply

  8. I love this, Jane!! I love your feistiness and your no punches pulled honesty. I am a bit like you, and I strive to watch what I say, if I can – and often – I just can’t!! I am just not that “nice” either! So, onward into the battle!! Thank you for continuing to share yourself and your journey with us. Namaste Bitches, indeed!!

    Comment by Dawn Werner Brandenburg | May 16, 2015 | Reply

    • Dawn
      Thanks! Swords drawn and picking our battles, eh? Take care, be brave.
      J

      Comment by janelondon | May 21, 2015 | Reply

  9. Thanks Jane. I’m new to all this “where do I fit in this puzzle” stuff!! You are helping me try to figure out where I fit.

    Comment by Deb Payne | May 16, 2015 | Reply

    • Deb
      I’m happy to offer any help that I can. It’s quite a process. Be well. Read a lot and don’t be afraid to find guides and mentors. You’ll be great!
      J

      Comment by janelondon | May 21, 2015 | Reply

  10. You must have the feeling that time is slowing down a bit for you (from earlier post). The Sunday night blues must be fading for you as well. It’s great to hear that you’re getting your energy back!

    Comment by Mark Petersen | May 16, 2015 | Reply

    • Mark
      The Sunday night blues sometimes still rear their head and then I remember that Monday is just like any other day! Thanks for the note. Take care
      J

      Comment by janelondon | May 21, 2015 | Reply

  11. Namaste Bitches!

    Comment by Peggy Lee | May 18, 2015 | Reply

  12. Jane, we may have been separated at birth. I always felt that I got you on the radio and it seems you’ve got me too with everything you say here. Thanks for validating me while you describe your journey. So proud of you! So the question remains…. Do we buy the t-shirt? I want it. Bad.

    Comment by Lichelle | May 18, 2015 | Reply

    • Lichelle,
      Already ordered:)
      Jane

      Comment by janelondon | May 18, 2015 | Reply

  13. Jane, ever since you started on the Dom and Jane show, I liked you. You and I have grown up the same and over the years, have gone through the same things in our lives at the same time. I always liked your honesty on the show. I have to say that the show isn’t the same without you. I’m not trying to take anything away from it, I still listen to it sometimes but not religiously like I did. It’s really missing your perspective on things and the subjects they talk about. Plus the show is so damn rushed now, it’s uncomfortable to listen to. Hurry up and get to the next commercial and song. Anyhow, I really miss you on the show and I’m trying to retire from my job after 33 years also. Like you, you just know when it’s time! I’m glad you’ve moved on and are finding peace in your life. Take care and I’ll keep reading your blogs. -Roy

    Comment by Roy | May 21, 2015 | Reply

    • Roy
      Thank you for all of the kind words. I have to admit that there are times when I miss having that radio forum to spout my perspective on life:) But, then I roll over and go back to sleep!
      I wish you only the best as you try to retire. I find that I have so much more room in my brain for the things that interest me and I also find that my stress and worry levels are hovering around the zero mark!
      Wish you the best and thank you again for reaching out.
      Jane

      Comment by janelondon | May 21, 2015 | Reply

  14. THIS IS ME!!! thank you for putting into words what I haven’t been able to. Like you, I grew up in Michigan but have lived in Denver for over 30 years, where I listened to your radio show. Like you, I have recently stopped working, although not entirely by choice. I left for health reasons but it was definitely time to go. I would really appreciate you sharing a bibliography of your recent spiritual/metaphysical explorations – I’ve got the time now. Thanks for all the insights you share and I look forward to the next installment. BK

    Comment by Barbara | May 24, 2015 | Reply

    • Barbara
      Thanks for the note. As for a bibliography, I really don’t have the time to make a list, BUT if you peruse past blog posts (I think it’s close to 200 posts by now), you might get a pretty thorough reading of my explorations. So, now that you have time, start reading:)
      I’ve found that one thing will lead to another, in terms of books, articles, websites, practices. I hesitate to try and give a blueprint because everyone is different and we are all in search of our own way. I began with reading the Bible, then went on to Buddhism because it was more relatable. Meditation has been key for me. It’s given me clarity and calmness.
      Best of luck.
      Jane

      Comment by janelondon | May 24, 2015 | Reply

  15. Hi Jane! I totally believe in what you have written. My feelings exactly. I don’t think there are too many people who haven’t thought “what if?”. We all probably remember all the stories that came out after the horrible event on September 11 about people who should have been in the Twin Towers but for some reason didn’t get there. I remember one story about a man who had stopped to buy bandaids because his shoe was giving him a blister. Something that he probably was frustrated with at the time ended up saving his life.

    I have been rear-ended in my car twice in the last ten months. Yes, of course I have thought “what if I hadn’t stayed a little later at work?” and “what if I hadn’t changed lanes to let the truck on the highway from the ramp who eventually hit me?”. Everything happens for a reason. We don’t always know that reason, but I feel there is a purpose.

    You are correct that it is best to think be positive and expect good things. I firmly believe that “thoughts become things” and what you think about you can bring about. Have you ever thought about someone that you hadn’t thought about for a long time and then had some type of interaction from them? Or have you ever thought “I hope I don’t drop this” and then you do?

    Check out some of the writings from Mike Dooley. I think you may like what he writes.

    It’s too bad that we never met when you were in Denver. I feel that we are much alike. For now we will have to just be friends though your blog – which is a blessing, too!

    Comment by Kathy Graybill | May 25, 2015 | Reply

    • Somehow this posted to the wrong blog, Jane. Should have been the most recent one. Geesh! Sorry!

      Comment by Kathy Graybill | May 25, 2015 | Reply


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