Present Tense

Equinox. On balance

Early tomorrow morning is the spring equinox.  The place where the earth stands upright.  A perfect balance between light and dark, half in and half out, half dressed and half naked; the fulcrum.

The tipping point toward spring, rebirth and climbing out of the underworld, but still with one foot in. It is also the day when the sun moves into Aries, the first sign of the zodiac. In astrological terms, it is New Year’s Day.

Balance. How do we balance our lives? Over the past few months, I’ve been torn between escape and reality. Between wanting to float up into the stars or bob around in the middle of the ocean vs. grounding myself into my human life. How to stay at a higher vibration, while remaining completely human and functional in this body.

Sometime back in the fall, I felt a strong urge to ‘get back into my body’. I didn’t feel strong or healthy. I was living so entirely in my head that I had literally lost touch with my body. The meat suit that houses my spirit.

I’ve begun to creep back in, but I still struggle. Not with being overcome by spirit, but more often, with being overcome by intellect; thinking, analyzing, worrying, fretting.

Losing my mom at the end of the year was such a profound event. I was operating at a much higher vibration leading up to her death. It was almost an out of body experience, where I was so tuned into the higher realms, that once she died, I felt let down. I was back among the mess of the living.

I missed that plane that I was inhabiting. That place where the day to day drudgery of life and current events and ‘being me’ was shoved to the background; where all that mattered was making sure she was comfortable and allowed to leave this earthly plane to commune with the ancestors.

I rejoiced in her transition; the birth of a spirit is how I saw it. Knowing that she was free.

The death of my mother was a transformative event and I’m still allowing that process to unfold. I’ve been steadily working on releasing so much of the ‘old’ me, much of which was locked into being a daughter and member of a family. Losing both parents permanently alters that whole story.

I am now allowed to be fully me. The sun that our family solar system revolved around is gone; the gravitational pull of our parents has ceased. I’m allowed to create my own orbit.

That has created a space to start releasing those old stories and that’s where I am.

Standing with my palms up and open to the universe to release that which needs to go and to receive my new marching orders; shedding old skin, layer after layer. Putting aside and leaving behind old burdens and stories that no longer serve me. Lightening my load. Making room for the new that has been patiently waiting for me to prepare a vessel to hold it.

Happy New Year to me….

March 19, 2017 - Posted by | Musings

4 Comments »

  1. So well said…. thank you for always sharing so candidly your path, both the sure footed steps and the loose gravel pieces, too. Today you have helped me to (yet, once more) regroup and look forward. Happy New Year!

    Comment by Beverly Tompkins | March 19, 2017 | Reply

  2. Wow! Jane that is so profound and moving. I have listened to tales of your parents for years and I’m sorry to hear of both their passings. Good luck on finding your new marching orders from the universe. I know they will be given to you when you are ready to receive them.

    Comment by Christina | March 19, 2017 | Reply

  3. Life is full of trying to find a balance. I know you will take a thoughtful approach in keeping the memory of your parents close to you while discovering the new you that is not a daughter. The cycle of life is an amazing experience. Thanks so much for sharing things that many of us have experienced.

    Comment by Glenda Sinks | March 19, 2017 | Reply

  4. The last paragraph…wow! This speaks to my space in time right now. Thank you for sharing your lessons! Happy New Year!

    Comment by freckledandfairco | March 27, 2017 | Reply


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