Present Tense

A higher vibration…

I’m angry.  I’m frustrated.  I’m not a lot of fun to be around right now.

It feels like the world as we know it, is on the brink of some huge shift that I can’t quite put my finger on.

Actually, I can put my finger on it.  In fact, I think that I can predict what is happening, but to actually verbalize that ‘feeling’ or vision, is almost too hard.

Talking about it makes me feel vulnerable.  When I talk about what I feel is happening, people tend to get a little nervous about my sanity.

And so, here we are. In a place where pretty much everyone feels some sort of similar, visceral knowing in their gut, that we’re on a precipice of….something.

Some are cheering, thinking that the obvious upheaval and collective discomfort in our nation is exactly what they had hoped for.

Some are convinced it’s the end of life as we know it; that the crumbling and destruction of institutional norms is irreversible and completely devastating.

Some are aching to move forward.  Some ache to move backward.  Expansion versus contraction.  Open-hearted, versus closed off.

So, yeah.  This is most certainly a ‘scary’ time for all of us.  Mostly because we are so outcome-oriented in our country and our culture.  You either win or lose. And we all know that losing is the worst possible outcome.

There is the seat of our fear.  We might be the ‘losers’.  In the richest nation on earth, the second most primal fear that we have (the first being death, of course) is to lose.  An argument, an election, a fight, a war.  Or maybe we just won’t get enough ‘likes’ or followers.

So, when winning becomes the ultimate prize, what happens to us?  Cooperation suffers.  Compassion and empathy are no longer useful or prized.  We cordon ourselves off from those who will not help us ‘win’ and we label them losers.

The quest to always win makes us selfish.  We only care about events and policies that help us. Period.

An example is measuring the health and well being of a nation based solely on the rise of the stock market.  Or paying huge sums of money to give your child an unfair advantage over less privileged young people.

If it helps me, then I’m all in.  Does it help other people? Nah, I don’t care because it might cost me in some way. Every man or family for him/herself.  I gotta look out for number one.

“A rising tide lifts all boats” is such a 19 or 20th century way of looking at things.  It’s all about having the biggest, hugest, most beautiful boat of my own.

So, yeah.  You can hear it, right?  My anger?  My frustration?  Or maybe yours is drowning me out.  I get it.  Very difficult to get our bearings in this environment.

I’m trying to regain my spiritual practice, but it’s really, really hard right now.  The energies just don’t support it for me.  If you can still meditate or pray or levitate or whatever works, I salute you.

In a time when we need compassion and clarity to rule us, it seems nearly impossible.  I’ve damaged relationships, snapped at loved ones, lost my composure and burned some bridges over the past year or so.

I guess this is what transformation feels like.  What evolution entails.  I firmly believe that we are in a birth canal and when we emerge, nothing will ever be the same.

The trick is to just allow it, understanding that life and humanity and nature and the entire universe have birthed new eras a thousand times before.

That’s life.  Birth, death, rebirth.  Birth, death, rebirth a million times over and somewhere in this infinite process, our consciousness expands and ascends just a tiny bit higher.  We vibrate at a slightly different frequency.

Maybe that’s what I’m feeling.

May 25, 2019 - Posted by | Musings | , , , , , , , ,


  1. Nice to hear your writing voice again, Jane. Having lived through the 1960s, I find these times quite similar, albeit a bit meaner.

    Comment by Corinne Jackamore | May 25, 2019 | Reply

  2. There is nothing easy about these times. Sadly, humans (especially Americans) are too stupid to figure out how great they have it until there is a threat they may lose it. Our security, along with our collective sanity is gone. We gave it up in our fat assed complacency and that is what really pisses us off. WE did it. The spirituality will come back. The balance will be restored. We will be ok even if we end up in some dystopian saga that shames GOT. For some reason we still carry the survival at all costs gene. I still believe in the rising tide myself. We just have to keep it from becoming a tsunami. Thank you for this thoughtful piece. Love your brain and your heart.

    Comment by talktraffic28 | May 25, 2019 | Reply

    • I agree…we allowed it. In many cases, we embraced it. And yes, I agree with you that the balance will restored, one way or another. I often think about time and how fluid it is; what if the past is actually our future? And vice versa…we’ve all been fascinated by the dystopian novels and movies and stories, but what if those who’ve seen it, via being alive in the past/future have been sent to warn us via these stories?
      Something has to give…and so much is being revealed. The key is to SEE it and see our complicity and our way forward. These are difficult concepts, particularly for a culture consumed with skimming the surface and lacking in introspection.

      Comment by janelondon | May 25, 2019 | Reply

  3. I feel the same about the shift coming, I’ve asked myself if others can feel it. Thank you for expressing it beautifully.

    Comment by Audi | May 26, 2019 | Reply

  4. As always, Jane, beautifully written. I read the headlines and cringe at the extremism, the lack of regard for humanity (and the environment) that seems to grow more prominent every day. But then, on a micro level, I encounter kindness, friendliness and empathy every day, from strangers as well as friends. Makes me want to keep my focus small and manageable. Forget about the larger world – even though the news junkie in me wants to keep informed about current events. Look inward. Keep my small circle close. That’s my strategy now.

    Comment by moparaventi | May 27, 2019 | Reply

    • Mo, I was JUST writing that very thing in my journal:) That I need to seek out what nurtures me, on a personal level. To guard my energies diligently. It doesn’t mean that I’m detached from the obvious problems in the greater world, but the only way that I can determine my values and path, is to practice more non-attachment to outcomes and to the minute by minute, obsessive coverage of ‘the news’ .

      Comment by janelondon | May 27, 2019 | Reply

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