The Funk….

There are times when life carries you along as if you are royalty in a beautiful horse-drawn carriage. You climb in, wearing your beautiful royal robes and off you go. It’s magic. And then, there are the times when every minute of every hour of every day is a slog. It just happens.

Events conspire to bring that fancy carriage ride to a screeching halt. Death, disappointment, jobs, health, money, kids, relationships, hormones, mortality.

There is a tipping point where the tough stuff outweighs the good stuff and once you slide down, it’s very difficult to climb back up.

Several people have commented that I haven’t been writing much. That’s true. I haven’t felt as if I have anything to share. I have no words of wisdom or insight or encouragement. My carriage is broken and it has been for some time.

I feel like I’m in a partially self-imposed dungeon. My strategies for coping have been few and far between, even though I KNOW what I need to do, I just can’t quite seem to find a rhythm. Meditation, vigorous exercise, yoga, better diet, walking, reading; all have worked in the past. This time, I can’t seem to find a routine that sticks.

Since my dad died in April, 3 of my friends have lost their fathers. So much loss in such a short time brings one’s own mortality to the forefront. You start doing the math; only so many quality years left and really nobody knows how much time we have and personally, I’m feeling just a little panicky and terrified by that.

Logically, I know that spending this time brooding about it is a complete waste. Life goes by so quickly; we all think we have all the time in the world, particularly if you’re under 50. We don’t and it usually takes losing loved ones to really slam that home.

So, there you have it. I’m in right in the middle of a rather debilitating existential crisis. And rather than bore you with it, I’ve been silent and probably not a whole lot of fun to be around. My coping mechanisms suck and I’ve dug a deeper hole.

A dear friend of mine just turned 50 and she wasn’t looking forward to it. I told her that 50 brings a couple of reactions: “Holy shit, I’m 50…over half my life is over” or “Holy shit, I’m frickin’ 50…I no longer have to please everyone”. She has chosen to focus on the latter, while I’m completely mired in the former.

So, off I go. Hoping the planets begin to align my way and that I can shift back into kicking ass and taking names for my sunset years. Be well. Life is short.

A new day….everyday

I was informed by my sister that my last post was a little too maudlin and that I needed to perk up and be a tad less morose.  We lovingly refer to her as ‘the general’ and so when she speaks, I listen.  She’s a middle child, as is my husband and they are known for looking out for everyone else in the family.  As a youngest child, I am somewhat self-absorbed, although I do have that youngest child charisma and “march to a different drummer’ thing going for me.

So, how do you drag yourself out of the doldrums or bad habits or a case of the blues? Do you have strategies?  One of the first things that I do is get myself right, physically.  A routine is key for me, particularly since I’ve spent most of the last 3 decades getting up in the middle of the night to do a morning radio show.  It requires a fair amount of discipline just to get out of bed and then a regimented plan for the rest of the day in order to ensure that I’m functional.

My approach is quite basic and the foundation is diet.  If you haven’t read Michael Pollan’s bestseller, “In Defense of Food: An Eater’s Manifesto”, get a copy and read it….today. It’ll change the way you look at food and your diet and what you think is ‘conventional wisdom’.  Our diets and eating habits are crap in this country and I’m convinced it’s the biggest health issue of our time.  The government and the food and farming industries have colluded to addict us to lousy, unhealthy food. Obesity and obesity-related disease is an epidemic, as are emotional afflictions.  The foundation of good physical and emotional health is what you eat.  Period.

I’ve also been following Mark Sisson’s “The Primal Blueprint” and his website www.marksdailyapple.com, which is basically a less-restrictive Paleo diet.  I started eating this way to see if it would help alleviate the horrible, miserable allergy symptoms that have ruined the past 3 summers for me.  So far, allergy symptoms are minor, I’ve lost all cravings for junk food, I am slimmer and have developed much more muscle tone.

I do 25 minutes of yoga every morning and 20 minutes of meditation in the evening. I do a bit of weight training most days and I walk a few miles everyday. Sharing a house with two rowdy Jack Russell Terriers ensures that we never miss a walk.

My point is this:  we all go through phases where things just aren’t clicking in our lives.  Many times, it’s based on our unproductive or unhealthy reactions to things that are out of our control.  It can be health issues or family issues or work issues or money issues or political issues or blah, blah, blah. We can always find something to hang our depression and disappointment on.  Particularly, if you are like me and have a tendency to focus on those gnarly things in your life, rather than the good stuff.

Look, for some of us, being happy or content or grateful is hard.  It takes work and discipline and commitment.  We allow daily stresses to run our lives, which is unhealthy and it compounds the problem.  I know it’s so much easier to come home, pour a few glasses of wine and veg on the couch to a lousy TV show.  I get it.  But, tell me how you feel after that?  Invigorated?  Inspired? Content?  Strong?  Doubtful.  You drag yourself off to bed and do it again the next day.

I’m far from perfect.  Any of you who’ve read just a few of my posts know that.  But, if I didn’t make these commitments to my physical well-being I’m convinced that my emotional health would be in shambles.  We get a new shot at our lives every single day; it’s a string of new starts and new opportunities to alter our behavior and our mindset.  Yeah, it’s hard to change old habits.  It’s hard to change your diet.  It’s hard to turn off the TV or the computer and move after a long day.  I get it.  But, you have to.  Simple as that.

One more thing:  you have to feed your soul.  What stirs you emotionally?  Art, music, dance, nature, great books, playing, learning, cooking healthy meals, volunteering, writing.  Find some time everyday for these things.  Again, it’s simple:  diet, exercise, feed your soul.  Start now.