You have changed me…

Since announcing my retirement from The Dom and Jane Show earlier this week, my inbox has been full of well-wishes and very kind notes. I sort of feel as if I’m being allowed to attend my own funeral.

I’ve had a job in the public eye for over 30 years, which is the majority of my adult life. I do not consider myself famous by any stretch, but on any given day, several hundred thousand people tune into our show. Some love it, some hate it and anyone who is in the public eye, soon learns that the ones who are angry, disappointed or flat-out pissed, are usually the ones who are motivated to reach out.

For many years, those kinds of letters, emails, phone calls and now Facebook messages, penetrated pretty deeply for me. In my job as a radio host, I’ve been judged and critiqued by listeners, co-workers, consultants, clients, friends, family and occasionally, people who’ve never even heard my shows (“Ugh, I can’t stand anything on the radio that isn’t NPR”).

So, even though I’ve been successful and the Dom and Jane Show exceeded my wildest professional expectations, many of us who work in the media can be a little shell-shocked because we mostly hear from people who don’t like us. That’s why the past week has been so incredible.

The amount of love and appreciation that’s been sent my way has filled my spirit with a great deal of gratitude. I love that our show and my participation has had such a positive effect on people. I’ve heard from so many who listened for years with their kids on the way to school, from people who got a few laughs that eased whatever sorrow or pain they were dealing with and from so many who said they were sad that I was leaving, then told me to go forth and enjoy the rest of my life.

I’ve been so touched by the personal stories of how our show was a part of so many lives and it added a dimension to many of you, that I really didn’t quite understand over the years. We sit in a studio and talk to a void and there are times, I’m embarrassed to admit, that we forget that you’re out there. We can tend to get a little full of our selves.

You told me that you think of our little radio show as ‘family’ and that really touched me, since I know you all have real families and how much they mean to you, so to be included is a gift and one that I may not have treasured as I should have. You all have dreams and hurts and problems and crises and joy and tragedy and triumph and there may have been times when I didn’t celebrate or mourn those with you, even though you celebrated and empathized with me as I struggled with these same universal human issues.

So, thank you. Thank you for the lovely notes, for the funny and sometimes, sad memories, for reaching out to lift me up during kind of an emotional and precarious time as I stand on the edge of a huge life change. Anything that The Dom and Jane Show may have given you, you have repaid me a thousand times over.

As I head into my last 5 shows, I will do so with a full heart, knowing that I made an impact on you and more importantly, you made an impact on me.

Ignore the speed bumps…

I’ve been going through a challenging time for the past couple of weeks, that admittedly has been completely self-imposed.  In all honesty, my life is working out in an almost magical way, but in order to get through this transition period, I’ve had to struggle with intense impatience and my overwhelming desire to make the rest of the world bend to my wishes and needs.  Just to clarify: that rarely happens, mostly because I expect perfection and the cosmos doesn’t dole that out to us.  Ever.

The ridiculous part is that everything IS working out just the way that I had planned.  It’s as if what I envisioned in my mind’s eye is following a script.  The annoying part of all this for me is that I have let some minor speed bumps take my attention away from the big picture that’s unfolding; a big picture that is seriously transformational in my life.

So, I’ve been trying to remind myself to be grateful.  Every day.  Stop creating pain and suffering where there IS none.  Stop focusing on the minor things that aren’t going the way I’d like them to,  while ignoring the huge positive forces that are in play.  Events and changes that I’ve dreamed of and planned for are unfolding and I can’t stop fretting over the minor details.

Until today.  I got a call from an old friend.  I had texted her earlier to check in on her daughter’s graduation plans.  She called to tell me that they had gone through a very rough week.  One of her daughter’s closest friend lost her father suddenly this past week.  He was strong and fit, but died suddenly while riding his bike.  So, she had spent a lot of time with her friend, helping her deal with this devastating loss.

Then, yesterday, she and a group of friends were celebrating the end of their high school careers with a party on the lake.  A bunch of happy seniors hanging out before they move on to the next phase of their lives and one of her friends drowned at the party.

That is tragedy.  That is pain.  That is suffering.  Imagine the emotions of kids who are in the midst of a time that is full of dreams, hopes, celebration and suddenly they lose a classmate and a classmate’s parent.  In one week.  That is some heavy duty stuff for one so young at a time that should be full of joy.

So, now, an immediate attitude adjustment for me.  A list of gratefuls is in order, here.  The speed bumps are ridiculously small and I feel foolish for even dwelling on them.

I’m sad for my friend’s smart, accomplished, beautiful daughter; I’m sad for everyone that is going through a truly trying time.  In Buddhism, we are told we will experience 10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows in our lives.  No mention of 10,000 speed bumps.  I’m grateful for this clarity.

Grateful……..

My husband and I are reading a great book by Dr. Andrew Weil called “Spontaneous Happiness” and I would recommend it to any of you who struggle with the whole concept of ‘what is happy?’.

Huge numbers of us are on anti-depressants; something like 1 in 6 Americans!  Dr. Weil has been working toward a more holistic approach to traditional medicine for many years and he asserts (I agree, by the way) that we are over-medicated.

If you’re interested in his message, grab the book; it full of drug-free strategies to deal with…well, life and it’s ups and downs and disappointments.

One of the things he suggests is to list what you’re grateful for.  “Sayin’ your gratefuls” as we like to say on The Dom and Jane Show.  That’s my radio show on Mix 100, Denver, for those of you who may not know I’m a morning radio host.

So, as we head into a brand-spankin’ new year, I’m sayin’ my gratefuls and tossing ’em out to the world.  I’m grateful for:

–My husband, for reading Dr. Weil’s book along with me.  We could both use more joy

–Peanut butter and to a lesser extent, almond butter.  Fresh ground is best

–Gardening…who knew?

–My intellectual curiosity

–My job, that contains the three Fs: Fun, Fulfilling and Financially perfect

–My parents, who, at 91, are still available to me. I can’t even express my gratitude for this

–My home and the surrounding beauty of the Rocky Mountains

–My K2 Lotta Luv skis…you have NO IDEA!

–My dogs who remind me everyday that there is joy in everything and that a nap is always a good idea

–The Detroit Lions for reminding me that it’s NEVER hopeless

–My Kitchen Aid mixer; how did women make bread without one?

–My vibrantly, good health

–My pragmatic approach to life

–Cheese…all of it

–The internet; I LOVE having so much information at my fingertips.  Amazing.

–My sobriety.  Much harder than it seems, if you’ve never been there

–Ice cream.  ‘Nuff said

–Friends, particularly ones that have stuck with me over the years and miles and the old friends I’ve recently re-connected with

–Michigan.  It’s “home” and I’m glad that I can go back when I need to get back to my roots and the epic water

–My family who taught me the values and strategies that have contributed to all of the above

So, there is my list for this morning.  I’m sure I’m missing a ton of stuff, but I have a lot of football games to watch, which reminds me that I’m grateful for my HDTV.