Present Tense

I’m just not that nice….

2001red-w484h484z1-31928-namaste-bitchesI’ve been on a mission since my retirement. Actually it began well before last November, but since that time, I’ve had nearly 6 months to figure out who I am. I thought that I was leaving a lot of me behind once I left my radio career.

I was saying goodbye to the Jane who was opinionated and vocal and ballsy. I was tired of always having to have something to say. I looked forward to just ‘being’; speaking how and when I wanted to, instead of on cue.

I spent the last 6 months exploring my interest in the sacred and delving more deeply into the metaphysical. I’m even more convinced that we are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but rather, spiritual beings having a human experience. There is so much we don’t know, but if we’re quiet, we can begin to feel it.

I’ve dug around hoping to find that ONE nugget of knowledge/insight/enlightenment that would turn on the giant klieg light of my spirit. I hoped that I would suddenly see all and never have to return to the mundane or the old me.

I’m here to report that I’ve determined that is bullshit. There is no nugget. Perhaps a few very devout or lucky people have stumbled into that highest level of energetic vibration and managed to stay there, but for most of us, it’s a process. I’m not saying this in a cynical or defeated way. I will continue my journey and my practices because I see and feel incremental progress.

Meditation is extremely rewarding to me; I’ve gained a great deal of insight into myself and have felt touched and guided by spirit. I’ve learned to ask for help from my spirit guides and they give it. I’ve felt the presence of dear ones who no longer walk the earth and I’ve let go of some longstanding and heavy psychic and emotional wounds. I’ve learned to drop my burdens much more quickly.

I’ve found a community of like-minded seekers and feel welcomed and at home when we meet. I sat in a Native American sweat lodge (loved it!), I’ve studied astrology, aromatherapy, reiki, crystals, esoteric healing, clairvoyance, tarot, grounding, energy clearing, spirit guides, the angelic realm and a little more about Christianity. It’s all fascinating and is part of the divine and mystical stew that I happily swim in.

But, even though I’ve added all of this to my life, I’m still me. I was weeding my garden today on my hands and knees; so calming and soothing to be outside in the sun, digging into the earth, rhythmically pulling and tossing. I was musing about ordering a t-shirt that I had seen online that said “Namaste Bitches” and it hit me: that is my mission. I am a badass, divine warrior.

I realized that I had begun my spiritual study to calm myself. To tone me down. To turn me into a warm, nurturing, earth motherly person, exuding love and kindness and comfort to all. Those are such worthy goals and aspirations, but it’s not me.

Not even down really, really deep. I’m a truth seeker and a truth teller. I have been since I was old enough to remember. I have to know “why” about everything. I have to dig deeper and deeper into everything. It drives my husband (and before him, my mother and teachers) crazy. I’m like a 5 year old. “But, why????”

There are a lot of wonderful, nurturing people in the world. They feed us physically, emotionally and spiritually, without ever asking why. They are unconditionally kind and compassionate and as much as I want to be that person, I am not. And on behalf of other people who are more like me, I will say THANK YOU to all of those who throw that generosity out into the world. Without you, we’d REALLY be fucked.

I’m a loud mouth who must blurt out what many are thinking, but wouldn’t dare say out loud. I question authority and challenge the status quo. I don’t care if “we’ve always done it that way”. If your argument against gay marriage is seriously that we’ve done it one way for thousands of years, I’m not interested. That is ridiculous to me.

So, while I strive to be kind, compassionate and empathetic (I’m really good at the empathy part), I have to be me. I have to fulfill the remainder of my destiny during my time on earth. My radio career was literally written in the stars. After studying my natal astrological chart with an astrologer, we determined that it was just meant to be. That was my purpose, my destiny, my story and my contract.

Moving forward, I feel that I’m here to prod people to think more; to get in touch with their souls and to open their eyes to the truths of modern life.

We are destroying the earth (ever hear that saying “don’t shit where you eat”? Even animals are smarter than we are), we are a country and a world of, by and for the corporation. Whoever has the most money wins. We are being lied to and poisoned and beaten into submission.

My goal is to open eyes and minds. I thought I could go quietly and sneak off to Nirvana, but I can’t. Scorpio sun, Sagittarius moon with Aquarius rising; impossible to just sit quietly.

So, here we go. Look yourself in the eye and figure out how you want to move forward. I’m happy to raise my fist, in the most compassionate and spiritual way possible, and seek and speak my truth.

Let’s do this. Namaste Bitches!

May 15, 2015 Posted by | Musings | , , , , , , , , , , , , | 28 Comments

Money, money, money….shhhhhhh!

Let’s talk about money.   I’ll go first:  I like it, I’m for it and I want to collect as much as I can.  I know this is a very unfashionable thing to say, but I’m past worrying about fashion.  Here’s what I think; I think that most of you feel exactly the same way, but it would be unseemly or crass to say it out loud.  It’s okay if you feel that way, because this post is aimed directly between your eyes.

I’ve always liked money and have always been quite the little saver from the time I was a kid, when I hoarded my allowance and couldn’t wait to put in my little bank every week.   Every Christmas, I would get checks from a few relatives and I nagged my mom to take me to the bank, so I could deposit the money in my passbook savings account.

In junior high and high school, I saved not only my allowance, but all of the lunch money that my mom gave me, so that I could buy a tennis racket and a 10 speed Schwinn bicycle.  I managed to talk my friends into buying me cookies and milk, while I saved my money, but that’s not the worst of it.  In 9th grade, I would kiss Clayton Rice in the band room for a quarter, everyday!  I look back on it now and am thankful that he never produced a $100 bill or my life may have taken a completely different turn. He became my actual boyfriend and so I lost that stream of revenue.  It’s indecent to charge your boyfriend for, well, you know.  By then, I was old enough to get a real job serving food for tips.

As a grown-up I’ve been completely happy to collect and nurture my money through hard work and discipline.  Ever since my first post-college job, where I made all of  $9000 a year, I’ve always set aside whatever I could afford, with every single paycheck.  Eventually, I set a goal to save at least 10% of what I made.  I married a man who shares my money style and over the years, we’ve scraped together a decent nest egg.

In this country, we’re accused of having ‘puritanical’ views on sex.  I beg to differ; the current culture is absolutely INFUSED with sex, to the point where it’s actually kind of boring and fake and silly.  Where we’re puritanical, is in talking about money.  Go ahead, get with a group of people and start talking about money, I dare you.  If you want to see people screaming and hyperventilating and calling you names, try to have a healthy conversation about money.  Admitting that you earn a decent living, have invested smartly and want to have more money, is like unveiling pornography at Sunday school!

The current climate in our society encourages denial that money is important to you; to be suspicious or downright hostile toward wealth or success.  What hypocrisy.  I have YET to meet anyone who doesn’t wish for higher pay or more money.  And yet, it’s fashionable to deny any interest in money and in my opinion, that’s not noble or hip or realistic.  In fact, it’s flat-out stupid.  I like to live in the real world where money is necessary to fund the basics in life.  I prefer to have more than just the basics and have worked really hard to to make and save enough money to ensure that not only are our basic needs met, but that we can live comfortably and donate to worthy causes.

If you deny the importance of money or think it’s cool to ignore it, you’ll never have enough to meet and exceed those basic needs.  In Deepak Chopra’s book, “Creating Affluence,” he said that money is like blood; it must flow, in order to create wealth in a society and wealth is good, if you hope to be gainfully employed.  Notice I said “wealth is good”, not “greed is good”.  There is a big difference.  For those of you who are into the whole Law of Attraction philosophy, wealth can also be termed abundance.

So, let’s dig down to what money represents to me.  First off, I equate it with security; I want to be able to pay may own way without outside help.  When you rely on others to pay your way, there are ALWAYS strings attached.  Keep this in mind, as we seem to be moving toward some other entity paying for our needs: strings, hassles and following THEIR rules, rather than your own.  Secondly, money is freedom.  Read the book, “Your Money or your Life” for a blueprint of how you can achieve financial freedom.  If you have enough money put away, you are no longer beholden to others: your job, your family, the government (UGH!).  You may think that’s out of your reach, but with proper discipline and planning, you can certainly move toward that goal, if it appeals to you.

Look, I’m not saying that money should supersede happiness or fulfillment.  Don’t sell your soul for a piece of gold, but don’t feel awful about making it, growing it and yes, giving some away.

December 6, 2011 Posted by | Musings | , , , , , | 4 Comments

Money, money, money…..

Let’s talk about money.   I’ll go first:  I like it, I’m for it and I want to collect as much as I can.  I know this is a very unfashionable thing to say, but I’m past worrying about fashion.  Here’s what I think; I think that most of you feel exactly the same way, but it would be unseemly or crass to say it out loud.  It’s okay if you feel that way, because this post is aimed directly between your eyes.

I’ve always liked money and have always been quite the little saver from the time I was a kid, when I hoarded my allowance and couldn’t wait to put in my little bank every week.   Every Christmas, I would get checks from a few relatives and I nagged my mom to take me to the bank, so I could deposit the money in my passbook savings account.

In Junior High and High School, I saved not only my allowance, but all of the lunch money that my mom gave me, so that I could buy a tennis racket and a 10 speed Schwinn bicycle.  I managed to talk my friends into buying me cookies and milk, while I saved my money, but that’s not the worst of it.  In 9th grade, I would kiss Clayton Rice in the band room for a quarter, everyday!  I look back on it now and am thankful that he never produced a $100 bill or my life may have taken a completely different turn. He became my actual boyfriend and so I lost that stream of revenue.  It’s indecent to charge your boyfriend for, well, you know.  By then, I was old enough to get a real job serving food for tips.

As a grown-up I’ve been completely happy to collect and nuture my money through hard work and discipline.  Ever since my first post-college job, where I made all of  $9000 a year, I’ve always set aside whatever I could afford, with every single paycheck.  Eventually, I set a goal to save at least 10% of what I made.  I married a man who shares my money style and over the years, we’ve scraped together a decent nest egg.

In this country, we’re accused of having ‘puritanical’ views on sex.  I beg to differ; the current culture is absolutely INFUSED with sex, to the point where it’s actually kind of boring and fake and silly.  Where we’re puritanical, is in talking about money.  Go ahead, get with a group of people and start talking about money, I dare you.  If you want to see people screaming and hyperventilating and calling you names, try to have a healthy conversation about money.  Admitting that you earn a decent living, have invested smartly and want to have more money, is like unveiling pornography at Sunday school!

The current climate in our society encourages denial that money is important to you; to be suspicious or downright hostile toward wealth or success.  What hypocrisy.  I have YET to meet anyone who doesn’t wish for higher pay or more money.  And yet, it’s fashionable to deny any interest in money and in my opinion, that’s not noble or hip or realistic.  In fact, it’s flat-out stupid.  I like to live in the real world where money is necessary to fund the basics in life.  I prefer to have more than just the basics and have worked really hard to to make and save enough money to ensure that not only are our basic needs met, but that we can live comfortably and donate to worthy causes.  If you deny the importance of money or think it’s cool to ignore it, you’ll never have enough to meet and exceed those basic needs.  In Deepak Chopra’s book, “Creating Affluence,” he said that money is like blood; it must flow, in order to create wealth in a society and wealth is good, if you hope to be gainfully employed.  Notice I said “wealth is good”, not “greed is good”.  There is a big difference.  For those of you into the whole Law of Attraction philosophy, wealth can also be termed abundance.

So, let’s dig down as to what money represents to me.  First off, I equate it with security; I want to be able to pay may own way without outside help.  When you rely on others to pay your way, there are ALWAYS strings attached.  Keep this in mind, as we seem to be moving toward some other entity paying for our needs: strings, hassles and following THEIR rules, rather than your own.  Secondly, money is freedom.  Read the book, “Your Money or your Life” for a blueprint of how you can achieve financial freedom.  If you have enough money put away, you are no longer beholden to others: your job, your family, the government (UGH!).  You may think that’s out of your reach, but with proper discipline and planning, you can certainly move toward that goal, if it appeals to you.

Look, I’m not saying that money should supercede happiness or fulfillment.  Don’t sell your soul for a piece of gold, but don’t feel awful about making it, growing it and yes, giving some away.

January 23, 2010 Posted by | Musings | , , , , , | 18 Comments

   

%d bloggers like this: