Lessons….

Yesterday, I was talking to a friend, who also happens to be an energy worker/healer, about the events of the past week, involving the death of Ember. She asked me to tell her what I had learned and what I thought it means going forward. Here is what I told her:

The day Ember was hit, I heard the delivery truck coming up the driveway and I had a flash of what was about to happen. I KNEW. As I ran toward the driveway, I knew what was happening and although all that I saw was a flash of white, as I got closer, I knew exactly where to look in the driveway.

I saw her and ran to her and I kneeled over her and knew she was gone. There wasn’t a mark on her. No blood, no contusions, nothing bent or broken. It was as if she were sleeping on the bed. But, she was gone.

After we let Junior sniff and nudge her, I wrapped her up and sat in a chair, holding her for about an hour. I stroked her, talked to her, kissed her and Junior sat with us. It was the most peaceful, serene, mystical experience. I was calm and loving and felt as if I were absorbing her into me; as if our spirits or souls melded together.

I know this sounds weird or airy-fairy to many of you, but it felt so perfect and necessary. Saying goodbye. Acknowledging that death is merely the end to our physical bodies and not the end of our essence.

I felt as if she was giving me a gift. Like most of us, I feared death for many years. I was terrified of losing my parents. I made my husband take our pets in to be euthanized because I couldn’t face it. It was better to just not think about it.

I was there when we put our dog Chili to rest and I was glad I was there for her, but this time, it was much more intimate and comforting. It healed me. I felt, smelled, tasted and embraced death in a way that I had never imagined. I had been feeling death in the air and I assumed it was my mom. So, maybe this was practice. A way to be there for her as she transitions.

We push away death in our culture. We deny it and fear it and sterilize it. This taught me to embrace it and know that death isn’t horrible. It isn’t the end. It’s a change of address.

Ember is now unbound by physical constraints. I ache for the loss I feel in my life, by not having her physically here with me. But, I know that my mom will be okay and that I can encourage her to face her fears. I can tell her that she can let go and join my dad and her parents and sister. Those of us still on earth will be fine and we’ll join her one day.  There is nothing to fear.

 

A New Earth is Happening

I went to a class yesterday called “The Art of the Seer”, designed to help you develop your innate intuition or clairvoyance; in other words to open up your pathways to spirit.

I loved it. I felt so at home. The woman who taught it was fascinating and the energy in the room was so interesting. When I meditate in a group, it’s calming, relaxing and deeper than what I feel when I’m alone. It’s the same feeling that I get when I go to a church.

I think there is something to that. It’s very tribal and visceral and necessary for us to gather in groups for positive aims. Not to gather in anger; we have so many opportunities to vent and express and simmer in anger. We need the more spiritual gatherings, where we express our hearts in reverence and gratitude.

This is what I felt yesterday; a group of people who understand or are trying to understand and channel the Divine for themselves and for the benefit of others. People who have probably been made fun of or looked at with suspicion; they were probably told that they ‘just want attention’ and so they make up all of this spirit and intuition stuff.  Some in the group have very vivid visions and experiences. Some of them admitted that ‘knowing and seeing so much’ is exhausting and they often wish they could just turn it off.

Nearly every spiritual teacher that I’ve read or listened to in the past 4-5 years has said that we are entering a new era of human spiritual enlightenment. That it’s time to begin to swing away from aggression and violence and swing toward awakening to our humanity. To recognize what the ancients knew and could teach us if we would open our minds and listen; that we are all connected. A swing from the masculine toward the divine feminine. From warriors to nurturers.

Many of these teachers are scientists, doctors, PhDs. They aren’t some monk who stepped out of a cave. Not that a monk who just stepped out of a cave isn’t full of wisdom. My point is that it’s becoming mainstream because the world’s consciousness is shifting. Thank GOD.

Don’t you feel a little tingle when you envision that? Don’t you feel that it’s really happening? Deep down? Many of you have sensed this shift. You’re exhausted and disheartened by all of the anger, violence and aggression that you feel either personally or that you see happening around the world.

The key is that when something happens on the other side of the world, we feel it. We can’t help it. We are all connected via energy. That’s the beauty and the extreme danger of the internet and social media. Evil forces or bad/negative energy invade our spirit via our devices. Things that we would NEVER have even known about 20 years ago, now bombard us every minute. That takes a toll on our collective psyche. And it seeps into us.

On the other hand, we see many, many positive and love-inducing images on those same devices. We can make a choice to ‘go to the light’ and try to avoid the icky stuff. Why do we all love baby goats, kittens, cute puppies, babies, videos of human kindness? We need that feeling of being connected to our fellow earthlings via love. The anger is easy right now; choose love.

Back to our big, cosmic shift that is happening. Many of you are curious to explore your mystical, metaphysical or spiritual side, but for some reason, you’ve resisted. It’s weird or your family (tribe) thinks it’s weird or it’s blasphemous or whatever. Put that aside. Start exploring. Follow the nudges from your soul. Hang out in a metaphysical bookstore, go to a class or a meeting that intrigues you. Start reading. We need as many love/connectedness/awakened/divine feminine warriors as we can muster.

We’re tired of anger, of rants, of bigotry, of hatred, of victims, of negativity, of trashing the earth, of being disconnected to the earth. We need love, nature, compassion, empathy. We need to gather with like-minded, loving, open people to help begin this shift in consciousness. It’s begun. You can either get on the train or watch it pass you by.

The world needs you.

On starting a new phase of my life…

A few months ago, I had an overwhelming desire to get another tattoo. It came out of the blue and I’m on the record as saying I didn’t think anyone should get tattooed after age 40 and I’m well past 40.

But, suddenly it was something I had to do. So, I did. I designed a beautiful, pastel lotus blossom. I wanted a pretty, gentle tattoo.

A lotus blossom represents an awakening. The flower starts in the mud and grows up through the water to the surface, where it blooms and sits quietly on top of the water. An open, calm, welcoming symbol of acceptance.

I love this tattoo and I anoint it with shea butter every morning. I’m grateful that it speaks to me every time I see it: awaken. Let go. Be you. And that is exactly where I am.

Like the lotus, I’m opening after being tightly closed for a long time; probably a decade now and though I regret some of my behavior, it served a purpose because it brought to me this moment, where I am able to walk away from my career and into the next phase of my life.

I’ve battled alcoholism for many years and one of my strategies (that didn’t really work all that well) was to knuckle down; to be rigidly in control of my behavior. In order to function and fulfill my obligations, I said no to so many things. My job as a morning radio host was my top priority and in order to get up at 3:30 a.m. and function, I determined that I had to stick to a very rigid routine.

Strict bedtime, strict nap time, strict diet, strict exercise. Everything had to be controlled or I would go off the rails and ruin my career. People were counting on me at work, so I had to be fully in control of myself.

This spilled over into strict control of our finances. Save, save, save, save. Invest, invest, invest. I was obsessed with our money. I would sit and watch CNBC for hours, with my laptop open watching our stocks fluctuate throughout the day. Healthy, right?

I was white knuckling my whole life because I thought it would keep me sober and productive and successful. But, I ended up self-medicating with booze again. Thank God my family stepped in and I was able to see that I needed a new path and a new sobriety strategy.

That’s when I began this blog and my spiritual exploration. I’ve laid it all out over past 4-5 years with complete and sometimes uncomfortable honesty. I was the lotus bud, gestating in the mud and these years have been my journey to the surface of the water, where I now sit, open to the rest of my life.

I’ve stopped saying ‘no’ and am now embracing ‘yes’. My spiritual path has taken a mystical turn and I’m developing and exploring my intuition and spirit guides. I’m more accepting of myself and am flexible, rather that rigid.

So, I’m retiring. It’s time. There is no sadness, no regret, no fear. I’m saying goodbye to a great career that has been incredibly fulfilling and has most certainly allowed me the financial freedom to walk away at 55 and begin anew.

I have no plans, other than to just “be” for awhile. I honestly feel like I can do whatever will feed my soul and my spirit. The old me would have been completely gripped by fear at the thought of walking away from the security of a job and a paycheck.  In fact, I think I just stumbled onto my next tat: Fearless.

Be well. Be brave. Do what your spirit is telling you to do. Don’t hate your life; change it.