Chances…take as many as you need

    “We as human beings, I think cannot stand in judgement as to how many chances you get”—Oprah.

    Second chances.  We’re big on that in this country.  In fact, we tend to root for the fallen to make a comeback.  We love it so much that I think we knock people down to see if they can get back up.  But, there seems to be a rule that you can only have ONE second chance.  After that, you’re broken.

     I’m with Oprah.  I love second chances…and third chances…and fourth chances.  Because without them, I’d be nothing.  I’ve had a lot of second chances in my life; I’m a slow learner when it comes to appropriate and productive behavior.

      Thankfully, we all get an infinite number of do-overs, whether you realize it or not.  Every minute, every hour, every day.  Stop and start over; as many times as you need to. Granted, others may give up on us.  They may decide that we’ve run out of chances, but we really haven’t.  Maybe we’ve exhausted their benevolence, but we keep trudging on.  What else is there to do?

      We humans are a flawed, fussy and judgmental bunch.  We’re quick to exclaim ‘nobody’s perfect’ when we screw up, but then expect perfection in others.  Or ourselves.   Nobody’s perfect.  Not even close.

      In fact, I believe that the most successful people, no matter how you define success, are the ones that have started over the most.  They realize that life is full of second chances.  That we can start over again and again and again.  There is no set amount.  Oprah is right.

     Start taking chances.  As many as you need.

The REAL reason to love Oprah

 

I originally posted this  about a year and a half ago, but since this is  week is Oprah’s swan song for her syndicated show, I thought I would re-post.  Let me know what you think.

I am about to make a shocking admission to all of you:  I’m a middle-aged woman who doesn’t worship Oprah.  Hold on……I’m waiting for the lightening bolt….because for a woman to say that she’s not on Oprah’s team, is the equivalent of coming out against oxygen.  But, I have sort of a love/hate relationship with Oprah and full disclosure:  I rarely watch her show anymore, but do catch one once in a while and I pick up her magazine a few times a year.  Having said that, I’m well aware of Oprah’s mission to make us all ‘just great’ and that’s where the problem comes in for me.  Oprah’s a smart cookie, so she KNOWS that if we all begin to love ourselves, as she proposes, we’ll have no use for her and her empire!  Which is where the cynic in me kicks in.  Oprah KNOWS that we’ll never love ourselves enough to dump her.  How does she know this?  Because Oprah, who is worth billions, has houses all over the world, is one of the most famous people in the universe, is hugely influential, perhaps to the point of electing a president, still doesn’t really like herself all that much.

“Oh, Jane, how can you say such a thing”!!!  Well, because, she’s gained back a bunch of weight (again), she is on a constant search for enlightenment, either through some cleansing program, or another spiritual ‘guide’, or she’s buying stuff.  But, even as she tries to fix herself, she realizes that the collective self-loathing among lots of us chicks, is enough to keep her Oprah brand in business for decades and that’s not necessarily a criticism, since many of her followers love that about her; she’s flawed like us!  Well, yeah, but she’s NOT like us and that brings me to what I love about Oprah: She’s RICH, RICH, RICH!!!!  Fabulously wealthy in a way that none of us will ever know.  But we could, if we put in the time, effort, sacrifices and toughness that it takes to achieve her level of success.

Here’s another thing to love about O:  she’s made many other people wealthy (and I’m NOT talking about her BFF, Gayle…that’s a whole other topic).  Oprah’s empire has created literally thousands of jobs, she’s created other empires for her chosen ones (Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Rachel Ray, Nate Berkus etc.), who in turn are creating jobs and wealth for others.  There is a great show, produced by CNBC, called “The Oprah Effect,” where they actually trace the billions of dollars that Oprah is responsible for creating for others.  Oprah is the pebble, plopping in the pond and her effect and influence, are the rings in the water, radiating out from the pebble.  As her fellow empire builder, Martha Stewart (love her, too) would say, “that’s a very good thing”.

So, while I’m not necessarily buying what O is selling, I’m in awe of her power, her cult of personality and her smarts!  She realizes that her influence is probably at it’s zenith, demographically, which is why she has created these other superstars, to carry on her legacy and grow the cash flow.  I’d be willing to bet that for women under the age of 35, Oprah, is only a blip on the radar and so, her decision to end her show in 2011 is brilliant.  She’s going out on top and will concentrate on her cable channel and create even more ‘little Oprahs’.   Oprah is a one-woman stimulus package and for that, I LOVE HER!

The Power of Positive DOING

I just read an interesting book, called “Bright-sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking has Undermined America” by Barbara Ehrenreich.  Now, I’ve been a consumer of several positive thinking and “law of attraction” books and cds.  I’ve tried over the past few years to shift my attitude toward a more positive reaction to events, both in and out of my control, in hopes of becoming an easier person to live with.  Ehrenreich’s premise is that all of the sunshine that’s been blown up our arses, by folks who are selling that sunshine, hasn’t made us any happier, more successful, richer, thinner or more in touch with God.

Even though I’ve dabbled in always looking on the bright side of life, I am a realist;  I don’t believe for one minute, that I can “think” more money into my bank account or more love into my life.  I do believe that one’s reaction to inevitable disappointments, setbacks, grief, trauma or merely a ‘bad day’, is a key to success, however you may define that term.  Having said all of that, I’ve been seeing a therapist who has helped me immensely in working through some self-destructive habits that I’ve struggled with for most of my adult life.  What I’ve learned is that the “law of attraction” and “the power of positive thinking” will not cure what ails me, but a good therapist is a great start.

I’ve also found that the aforementioned books and cds have helped me focus on a goal.  There is a short book, called  “The Law of Attraction” by Michael Losier that has you do several exercises, where you lay out what you want (in my case, it was work-related) and then you make several lists.  You are forced to focus on the goal by concisely writing it down and then you write about how you will achieve it.  Now, if you then ACT, there is a pretty good chance, you’ll see some progress.  That’s the key: action.  My goal required a lot of things to fall into place and so I worked on what I could control, step by step. I then showed how it would not adversely affect others, or how it would actually benefit others and now I’m happily in the situation that I sought.  Forget about just “thinking” and “manifesting” your way to prosperity, even though that is how the “law of attraction” is marketed.

So, here’s the deal:  there is no psychic river of good energy, that you can just dip your ladle into.  That is bunk, no matter what Oprah tells you.  But, there is something to be said for focusing on your goals and devising a strategy, full of action, to achieve them.  A perfect example is happening right now:  the Olympics.  The focus and dedication of these athletes is a forceful reminder of the time, energy, sacrifice and discipline it requires to be the best.  Maybe you don’t want to be ‘the best’, but just ‘better’; who doesn’t?   But, getting better still requires a plan of action, no matter your goal.  Think about your goal, write about your goal and then start DOING.

The REAL reason to love Oprah

I am about to make a shocking admission to all of you:  I’m a middle-aged woman who doesn’t worship Oprah.  Hold on……I’m waiting for the lightening bolt….because for a woman to say that she’s not on Oprah’s team, is the equivalent of coming out against oxygen.  But, I have sort of a love/hate relationship with Oprah and full disclosure:  I rarely watch her show anymore, but do catch one once in a while and I pick up her magazine a few times a year.  Having said that, I’m well aware of Oprah’s mission to make us all ‘just great’ and that’s where the problem comes in for me.  Oprah’s a smart cookie, so she KNOWS that if we all begin to love ourselves, as she proposes, we’ll have no use for her and her empire!  Which is where the cynic in me kicks in.  Oprah KNOWS that we’ll never love ourselves enough to dump her.  How does she know this?  Because Oprah, who is worth billions, has houses all over the world, is one of the most famous people in the universe, is hugely influential, perhaps to the point of electing a president, still doesn’t really like herself all that much.

“Oh, Jane, how can you say such a thing”!!!  Well, because, she’s gained back a bunch of weight (again), she is on a constant search for enlightenment, either through some cleansing program, or another spiritual ‘guide’, or she’s buying stuff.  But, even as she tries to fix herself, she realizes that the collective self-loathing among lots of us chicks, is enough to keep her Oprah brand in business for decades and that’s not necessarily a criticism, since many of her followers love that about her; she’s flawed like us!  Well, yeah, but she’s NOT like us and that brings me to what I love about Oprah: She’s RICH, RICH, RICH!!!!  Fabulously wealthy in a way that none of us will ever know.  But we could, if we put in the time, effort, sacrifices and toughness that it takes to achieve her level of success.

Here’s another thing to love about O:  she’s made many other people wealthy (and I’m NOT talking about her BFF, Gayle…that’s a whole other topic).  Oprah’s empire has created literally thousands of jobs, she’s created other empires for her chosen ones (Dr. Phil, Dr. Oz, Rachel Ray, Nate Berkus etc.), who in turn are creating jobs and wealth for others.  There is a great show, produced by CNBC, called “The Oprah Effect,” where they actually trace the billions of dollars that Oprah is responsible for creating for others.  Oprah is the pebble, plopping in the pond and her effect and influence, are the rings in the water, radiating out from the pebble.  As her fellow empire builder, Martha Stewart (love her, too) would say, “that’s a very good thing”.

So, while I’m not necessarily buying what O is selling, I’m in awe of her power, her cult of personality and her smarts!  She realizes that her influence is probably at it’s zenith, demographically, which is why she has created these other superstars, to carry on her legacy and grow the cash flow.  I’d be willing to bet that for women under the age of 35, Oprah, is only a blip on the radar and so, her decision to end her show in 2011 is brilliant.  She’s going out on top and will concentrate on her cable channel and create even more ‘little Oprahs’.   Oprah is a one-woman stimulus package and for that, I LOVE HER!