Are you, you?

“We realize–often quite suddenly–that our sense of self, which has been formed and constructed out of our ideas, beliefs and images, is not really who we are. It doesn’t define us, it has no center.”
― Adyashanti

I’ve gone through a fairly thorough scrubbing and cleansing of my mind over the past few years. The result has been a profound alteration in the way I see the world; politics, religion, love, hate, humility, suffering, pain, spirituality, money, food, vanity, creativity. All of them have been under the microscope of my own introspective inner eyeballs.

When you do this and begin to alter your beliefs and more importantly your reactions, it throws other people off considerably. At least once a week, someone has said something along the lines of “I thought you and I agreed on politics/religion/values/etc”. The under-current being, of course, “you’re not who I thought you were.”

Oh, well. I’m not who I thought I was, either. So, there. We can agree on that, right?

Based on my many conversations in person, online and in various groups that I belong to, this questioning is building into what could be described as a spiritual epidemic. We are questioning conventional wisdom and our long-held personal beliefs en masse.

This has brought us to a place of great discomfort for many. To let go of what you thought was ‘true’ and ‘right’ and comfortable, is to feel the earth rumble under your feet. It’s like a case of psychic vertigo, where you can’t quite find a foothold or a handle; you feel like a kid who spent a little too much time on the playground merry-go-round. Buzzy and confused.

But, as kids, didn’t we kinda love that feeling? That out of control, dizziness where you felt as if you weren’t solidly on the planet? You sort of thought if you spun around long enough, you might levitate right up into the sky.

As adults, we tend like firm footing. We know what we think and we have strong opinions based on….um, well…something.

We are tribal. I’ve written this so many times and we like it when we find people who we think are of our tribe. That translates into people who agree with us. People who ‘share our values’, whatever that means.

When you begin to evolve and for lack of a better word, awaken and begin to question your ‘truths’, your tribe won’t like it. Not one little bit. Because suddenly, they may begin to question and that is not a comfy place to be, is it?

But, we’re all grown ups here and if we look around the U.S. and the world, we can see that challenging the status quo and the monied interests and conventional wisdom is rampant. It’s causing fear, chaos, imbalance. Those who have been in power for a very long time, certainly don’t like this uppity attitude from the ‘peasants’. They feel the ground shifting as well.

I think this is part of a much larger transformation of humanity; humans 2.0, if you like. The metaphysical world believes that this began around December of 2012, with a shift in energy. In astrological terms, we are nearing the end of a cycle where Pluto transits from Capricorn (patriarchy, authority, plutocracy, status, wealth, power) into Aquarius (divine feminine, nurturing, thinking, sharing, problem solving) over the next decade or so.

Many of you will poo poo this airy-fairy stuff, but admit it: you can feel it. You can feel a shift that is happening in our nation and you feel it in yourself. You’re questioning your life, your choices, the very essence of WHO YOU ARE.

Are you fulfilling what your soul craves? Are you where you want to be, doing what you want to do, with the people you want to be with? You’re questioning your job, what you eat, how you eat, how you treat others, how you treat the planet, what you really want out of your leaders and your government.

It’s a sea change. We are on the crest of a huge wave of transition and change and yes, possibly enlightenment.

So, the next time you find out that someone isn’t exactly who you thought they were or if someone throws that down on you, stop for a minute. Question your own truths. Do they REALLY serve you or do they serve your tribal leaders thatneed you to follow along? If you have changed, just smile and tell them that you are much more comfortable being who you really are.

Be you. Be brave. Ride the wave. You’ve no other choice, really.

Into the Fire

Last week, as I was fixing my morning coffee I looked out the window and saw my husband burning some brush in our fire pit. I had a pile of paperwork that I was planning to shred and decided to just toss them in the fire.

Once I got outside, I discovered that I had also grabbed a small notepad and as I tossed the papers into the fire I felt a tug of inspiration that urged me to make a list of things that I wanted to dispose of. Ya gotta burn it down, to allow it to rise up.

I finished my initial task and ran back into the house for a pen and a coffee refill. I grabbed one of our big, old heavy Adirondack chairs and hunkered down in front of the fire to spill it all out. These were things that I wanted to root out, look at in the light of day and then burn to ashes.

At the top of the page, I simply wrote “let go”. Here is my list:

Ego
Grief
Fear
Resentment
Rejection
Failure
Humiliation
Not fitting in
Control
Hatred
Frustration
Limitations
Conventional wisdom
Second guessing
Crusty, old beliefs
Overreaction
Panic
Cultural knots and entanglements
Behaving as you “should”
Material lust
Status seeking

This was stream of consciousness. Things that I felt were holding me back in some way. I didn’t over-think or take more than 10 minutes to compile the list. I then stood before the fire, read it aloud, asked for guidance from spirit and tossed it in to the fire.

Done. BAM! Burned.

I looked up and saw a big, beautiful hawk soaring overhead. I watched him for a few minutes and as he circled closer and closer, I thanked him for acknowledging my ceremony.

Ceremony and ritual are important parts of the human experience and in modern times, we often forget. There is no time or inclination any longer. Fewer and fewer of us attend church or any kind of spiritual gathering and we suffer for it.

There is something inside us, that has been there from the very beginning that craves connection with the Divine and we ignore it at our peril. I believe that is why we have such a callous attitude toward others and toward the Earth. We’ve lost touch with this spark, but we can make the time, even if it’s just us, all alone, to reignite it.

As I walked back to the house after my ‘cleansing’, I felt lighter, freer, empowered, calm, loved.  I’d taken just a little time and made a connection with not only my soul, but with what animates it. Spirit and energy and God and creator are all around us, at all times. Tap in. When you feel an urge, as I did, follow it. Be with yourself, create some minor rituals and try to develop a daily practice, even if it’s 5 minutes, to connect with the thing that is greater than you.

To listen to the audio of this blog:

A New Earth is Happening

I went to a class yesterday called “The Art of the Seer”, designed to help you develop your innate intuition or clairvoyance; in other words to open up your pathways to spirit.

I loved it. I felt so at home. The woman who taught it was fascinating and the energy in the room was so interesting. When I meditate in a group, it’s calming, relaxing and deeper than what I feel when I’m alone. It’s the same feeling that I get when I go to a church.

I think there is something to that. It’s very tribal and visceral and necessary for us to gather in groups for positive aims. Not to gather in anger; we have so many opportunities to vent and express and simmer in anger. We need the more spiritual gatherings, where we express our hearts in reverence and gratitude.

This is what I felt yesterday; a group of people who understand or are trying to understand and channel the Divine for themselves and for the benefit of others. People who have probably been made fun of or looked at with suspicion; they were probably told that they ‘just want attention’ and so they make up all of this spirit and intuition stuff.  Some in the group have very vivid visions and experiences. Some of them admitted that ‘knowing and seeing so much’ is exhausting and they often wish they could just turn it off.

Nearly every spiritual teacher that I’ve read or listened to in the past 4-5 years has said that we are entering a new era of human spiritual enlightenment. That it’s time to begin to swing away from aggression and violence and swing toward awakening to our humanity. To recognize what the ancients knew and could teach us if we would open our minds and listen; that we are all connected. A swing from the masculine toward the divine feminine. From warriors to nurturers.

Many of these teachers are scientists, doctors, PhDs. They aren’t some monk who stepped out of a cave. Not that a monk who just stepped out of a cave isn’t full of wisdom. My point is that it’s becoming mainstream because the world’s consciousness is shifting. Thank GOD.

Don’t you feel a little tingle when you envision that? Don’t you feel that it’s really happening? Deep down? Many of you have sensed this shift. You’re exhausted and disheartened by all of the anger, violence and aggression that you feel either personally or that you see happening around the world.

The key is that when something happens on the other side of the world, we feel it. We can’t help it. We are all connected via energy. That’s the beauty and the extreme danger of the internet and social media. Evil forces or bad/negative energy invade our spirit via our devices. Things that we would NEVER have even known about 20 years ago, now bombard us every minute. That takes a toll on our collective psyche. And it seeps into us.

On the other hand, we see many, many positive and love-inducing images on those same devices. We can make a choice to ‘go to the light’ and try to avoid the icky stuff. Why do we all love baby goats, kittens, cute puppies, babies, videos of human kindness? We need that feeling of being connected to our fellow earthlings via love. The anger is easy right now; choose love.

Back to our big, cosmic shift that is happening. Many of you are curious to explore your mystical, metaphysical or spiritual side, but for some reason, you’ve resisted. It’s weird or your family (tribe) thinks it’s weird or it’s blasphemous or whatever. Put that aside. Start exploring. Follow the nudges from your soul. Hang out in a metaphysical bookstore, go to a class or a meeting that intrigues you. Start reading. We need as many love/connectedness/awakened/divine feminine warriors as we can muster.

We’re tired of anger, of rants, of bigotry, of hatred, of victims, of negativity, of trashing the earth, of being disconnected to the earth. We need love, nature, compassion, empathy. We need to gather with like-minded, loving, open people to help begin this shift in consciousness. It’s begun. You can either get on the train or watch it pass you by.

The world needs you.

On starting a new phase of my life…

A few months ago, I had an overwhelming desire to get another tattoo. It came out of the blue and I’m on the record as saying I didn’t think anyone should get tattooed after age 40 and I’m well past 40.

But, suddenly it was something I had to do. So, I did. I designed a beautiful, pastel lotus blossom. I wanted a pretty, gentle tattoo.

A lotus blossom represents an awakening. The flower starts in the mud and grows up through the water to the surface, where it blooms and sits quietly on top of the water. An open, calm, welcoming symbol of acceptance.

I love this tattoo and I anoint it with shea butter every morning. I’m grateful that it speaks to me every time I see it: awaken. Let go. Be you. And that is exactly where I am.

Like the lotus, I’m opening after being tightly closed for a long time; probably a decade now and though I regret some of my behavior, it served a purpose because it brought to me this moment, where I am able to walk away from my career and into the next phase of my life.

I’ve battled alcoholism for many years and one of my strategies (that didn’t really work all that well) was to knuckle down; to be rigidly in control of my behavior. In order to function and fulfill my obligations, I said no to so many things. My job as a morning radio host was my top priority and in order to get up at 3:30 a.m. and function, I determined that I had to stick to a very rigid routine.

Strict bedtime, strict nap time, strict diet, strict exercise. Everything had to be controlled or I would go off the rails and ruin my career. People were counting on me at work, so I had to be fully in control of myself.

This spilled over into strict control of our finances. Save, save, save, save. Invest, invest, invest. I was obsessed with our money. I would sit and watch CNBC for hours, with my laptop open watching our stocks fluctuate throughout the day. Healthy, right?

I was white knuckling my whole life because I thought it would keep me sober and productive and successful. But, I ended up self-medicating with booze again. Thank God my family stepped in and I was able to see that I needed a new path and a new sobriety strategy.

That’s when I began this blog and my spiritual exploration. I’ve laid it all out over past 4-5 years with complete and sometimes uncomfortable honesty. I was the lotus bud, gestating in the mud and these years have been my journey to the surface of the water, where I now sit, open to the rest of my life.

I’ve stopped saying ‘no’ and am now embracing ‘yes’. My spiritual path has taken a mystical turn and I’m developing and exploring my intuition and spirit guides. I’m more accepting of myself and am flexible, rather that rigid.

So, I’m retiring. It’s time. There is no sadness, no regret, no fear. I’m saying goodbye to a great career that has been incredibly fulfilling and has most certainly allowed me the financial freedom to walk away at 55 and begin anew.

I have no plans, other than to just “be” for awhile. I honestly feel like I can do whatever will feed my soul and my spirit. The old me would have been completely gripped by fear at the thought of walking away from the security of a job and a paycheck.  In fact, I think I just stumbled onto my next tat: Fearless.

Be well. Be brave. Do what your spirit is telling you to do. Don’t hate your life; change it.