On chaos…

My husband Dee just came into my office and shared a quote with me: “Life and chaos go hand in hand; that is life.”

This is indisputable isn’t it?  Life is chaos, but it’s all in how we perceive it.  Is it chaos or is it actually very orderly?

If we were were to look inside of our bodies, we would see a billion processes going on. Cells rushing here and there, manufacturing this and processing that. Digesting, making blood, building bones, moving oxygen molecules and that doesn’t even take into account the immensity of what is happening in our brains.

Under a microscope, it looks like complete and utter chaos. But, in reality, it’s not.  Everything has order and a job and a purpose.  It would appear to be a lot of rushing around, but it isn’t random, so it isn’t really ‘chaos’, is it?

Chaos is a human construct or definition.  It’s our perception of actions and events and yes, even thoughts, that we label as chaotic.  Watch a video of people in Grand Central Station in New York City or just look at kids changing classes in a school.  Bustling, confusing, busy, but they are all going someplace.  It is actually orderly.

So, if we change our perception of chaos or as we like to call the current events that are happening now, a shit storm, we may see that underneath all of this seeming random craziness, there is order; a purpose.

I’m reading a couple of interesting books about the historical cycles on earth.  In a nutshell, the premise is that we go through various cycles with each generation. Those of us born within the same rough time frame, say 15 years, experience and react quite differently from those who are older or younger than we are.  Their formative years, were not our formative years.  Events and energies were altered.

But like the stars in the sky, these cycles repeat roughly every 80 years and we can predict or at least be aware of the human ‘energy’ of these periods.

It’s really fascinating and I know there is an astrological component, but that’s not what I want to talk about. My point is that there are catalyst events within these cycles that change us and our world.  They have to happen.  Disruption must occur.  By the way, I prefer disruption over the term chaos because chaos has such a negative connotation and without disruption, life cannot evolve.

For instance, the American Revolution birthed a nation like the world had never seen before, predicated on self-determination, rather than birthright. Yes, I know, we aren’t perfect, but ‘chaos’ created something amazing.

The Civil War was another disruptive event.  Quite horrible at the time ( a true understatement, forgive me), but it resulted in the end of slavery.

We can look at many, many events and some of them didn’t have good outcomes. For instance 9/11 seems to have ushered in an era of suspicion, overreaction and a rise of government invasion of our privacy.  We can argue that, but it’s kind of inarguable if you’ve traveled by plane lately.  However, when we look back in 50 years, we may see the true effects. History needs time to unfold.

It was a cyclical catalyst. And they will ALWAYS happen.  In order to build and evolve, we have to have destruction.  We have to have disruption.  It is life.

We see it in nature, every single year.  In the fall, everything dies and goes dormant.  It lays there all winter and in the spring, rebirth.  Summer is luscious and abundant and lavish.  Then, autumn comes and we slowly wind down to begin the next cycle. This happens without fail.

Our reactions and perceptions are key in these events.  If we were to begin to understand and embrace these disruptions, we could save ourselves a lot of pain and anguish. I know that’s very hard to do.

This is the core purpose of a spiritual practice.  To be the eye of this constant storm of disruption that is life.  It’s always a swirling, spinning, living, dying, exploding, building, crazy, scary and beautiful process.

A spiritual practice grounds and centers us to be comfortable in the eye of this storm of life. To sit and allow this to spin around us, seeing the disruption for what it is: life and the development and evolution of our species.

Yes, it can be overwhelming and sad and shocking, but that is what is it is to be human.  And it has always been and will always be.

Imagine what would happen if let’s say, a billion of us just stepped out of the chaos and into the center of the storm.  We just take ourselves out of the swirling mess via meditation and putting our faith in a higher power or however you choose to practice.

What would happen?  The storm would lessen.  We could begin to see a little more clearly what is really happening.  We would hold space for the necessary disruptions to occur without adding to it in a negative way.  This does not mean ‘giving up’.  It means taking time to gain some clarity and focus.  A gathering of our strength.

So many people have asked me how I managed to navigate my mother’s recent death with a calmness and serenity and acceptance.  Truly, people have reached out and asked me this.

I didn’t do anything that people haven’t done for thousands and thousands of years. But, for me, a spiritual component was the most important aspect of embracing her birth into spirit.  I used ritual, ceremony, meditation and faith.

These practices are available to all of us; this is ancient wisdom from all cultures that will help us cope and thrive.  It’s not woo woo or airy fairy or superstitious.  This is part of our humanity. We need help dealing with the world and with being human. It’s hard.  And we don’t get that help from man made institutions, most of which are now crumbling before our eyes.

Our faith must be put back into each of us, as humans.  Not the government or the military or the police or the banks or the corporations or sadly, the church.

It’s time to awaken to the mysteries of your own soul.  To use these practices and rituals and strategies to cope with what seems to be chaos, but is really an evolution of humanity that seems confusing and frightening and unstable.

Yes, it is all of those things, but history is full of similar circumstances. The difference is that we have modern technology to shove it in our faces and into our minds and bodies, 24/7.

Find your practice.  Find your tribe.  Embrace the quiet and the ancient wisdom that is available to you. You have the world at your fingertips now.  Read, contemplate, join, support, ask for support, get quiet and remove yourself from the storm.  Step into the eye.

Embrace the chaos, for it is life.

On dying….

Sat down to write in my journal this morning and this came out.  Stream of consciousness and I figured I would go ahead and post it.  Raw form. No edits.

I had a reiki session yesterday as I’ve been feeling sooooo low.  Not as bad as a week or so ago, but just full of dark sludge.  My 96 year-old Mom is not doing well and when I say that, it’s more of an energetic thing than a physical one.

My visits with her are beautiful and tragic and necessary.  My reiki goddess, Charlotte had very good advice when she said to just ‘be with her’.  I don’t have to ‘do’ anything; maybe that’s my job.  To bring her along toward death and acceptance and letting go of this physical plane.

Some of the things that have happened over the past few weeks show me that I’m supposed to be there in these situations.  To be there when she falls, is scared and confused and as Anne Lamott says, to simply ‘bring her a glass of water’.  I can’t change her situation, I can’t turn the clock back or forward, I can only wait with her for the day when she transitions to spirit.

This is very hard for me.  I’m an action person.  A deep thinker, but also driven to do something, to initiate movement of some sort and in this situation, that is just not possible or productive or kind.  Her spirit is leaking out, as is her life force and I can only sit with her, offering comfort and love and security.

Dying is a profound act.  From the beginning of time, humans have feared it, wondered about it, attempted to explain it, run from it, denied it and ultimately we must accept it.  I have accepted that I will lose her and since she has told me many times that she has been here long enough, I welcome the end of her life in this physical incarnation.

There was a time when I was absolutely paralyzed with the fear of losing my parents. I’ve written about it and I discussed it with a counselor.  Over the past 3 years, I’ve been in an intense and instructive death lesson, having lost two dogs, my dad and a dear friend.  This got my attention.

And though I’m still pissed off at their passing; that I can’t hold them, call them, consult them or just know they are sharing my earth space, I have been able to formulate a spiritual knowing that death is not the end.

I firmly believe that we live on as spirit and that the moment that we leave this physical body, will free us and expand us and turn us into pure light and love.  That knowledge has erased much of my fear around my own death and has greatly helped me deal with and process the many and inevitable losses that come with being human.

So, death and dying confront us all.  At some point, we all take that final breath and our ancestors will appear to lead us back to our pure essence; our authentic spirit and soul self.

My job now is to hold my mom’s hand until she lets go.  And that is enough.

Hey, you! You’re a spirit

I’m spiritual, but not religious.  For many of you that statement means that I’m not serious. That I can’t make a commitment.  The stereotype of that kind of thinking is an air-headed flake that can’t quite make up their mind.

For others, even uttering the word religion or for that matter, spirituality, will mean the conversation is over.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the words “I’m not like that” or “I’m not interested in that”, when I want to talk about spirit or the metaphysical or even religion.  Complete tune-out happens.

And that’s too bad because as humans, we truly are spiritual beings in a human body (I didn’t invent that phrase, by the way).  Our soul and/or spirit needs to be fed and nurtured.  It’s probably more important to our health, than is the physical.  The two are tied so closely together that many can’t even feel or recognize their spiritual component.

When I say that I’m not religious, that doesn’t mean that I reject religion, but that I just don’t embrace it as my personal path.  In fact, I believe that we are entering a post-religious era on earth as we watch all of our sacred institutions crumble due to corruption and because they no longer serve the needs of the ‘flock’.  They serve themselves and wealthy benefactors.

Religion in it’s current form, feels to many of us as if there are too many rules.  It should make us feel loved and uplifted, not punished or judged or broken.  I believe that we are made in love and of love and for a religion to assume that we are all sinners isn’t healthy for the world.

Having said that, Jesus was such a great teacher and the Sermon On the Mount is something that I re-read fairly often.  To me, that’s the essence of Christianity in it’s simple message.  If you’ve never read it, I encourage you to.  It’s powerful and a beautiful example of how we should walk in the world and treat others.

But, that’s my opinion. We’ll see how we evolve.

What I want to express to those of you who reject organized religion and are also throwing out spiritual practice with that dirty water, is that you can make your own path and form your own belief system.  You don’t HAVE to label it.  You don’t HAVE to join a group or community (although sometimes, that feels pretty good).  You don’t have to go anywhere or label yourself.  You ARE spiritual because you are part of humanity and an inhabitant of Mother Earth.

My personal belief system is constantly widening and expanding and morphing and growing.  I’m like an octopus with eight arms, reaching out to wherever my intution leads me; many beliefs and practices speak to me and that’s okay.

I started with Christianity for obvious reasons and then studied Buddhism, began to meditate, was drawn to a more metaphysical approach. I am fed and inspired by nature, so I am drawn to some Native American/indigenous peoples practices.  I recently began reading about shamanism and have incorporated that into my meditation practice.  Delving into astrology in a deeper way has opened up my eyes to the ancient wisdom of man.

Every step that I take results in a richer spiritual understanding of not only myself, but everything else on earth and of the things that we can’t see, but that we can feel.  Death no longer scares me; in fact, I now believe that it will be another phase of my development and existence on another realm.

So, when I suggest to people who tell me that they’re struggling or angry all of the time or feeling lost or adrift, I tell them to begin a spiritual practice.  I usually suggest meditation and yet, so many reject it.  “I’m not religious.  Look at all of the wars and violence and killings that religion causes!”

Yeah, I get it.  I used to say that, too.  I used to say that I don’t believe in anything that I can’t see or prove.  “Religion is the opiate of the masses”, right?

So, don’t be ‘religious’.  You don’t HAVE to pick one.  And contrary to conventional wisdom here in the U.S., you don’t HAVE to be Christian.  You have a huge, rich, diverse body of spiritual thought, philosophy and literature to choose from.

Thousands and thousands of years of wisdom is available to pick from.  Be a rebel WITH a cause; your own spiritual growth.  The choice isn’t religion or atheist.  You are a spirit.  Your spirit aches for acknowledgement and growth.  Let it out to play.  Find what speaks to you and if it’s a tree, then study some earth based rituals.

The truth of the matter is that we are all made of earth, air, fire and water.  There’s a reason that we love walking the beach, a campfire, the smell of fresh cut grass ; we crave those parts of us and too often, we deny them.

If you’re struggling, know that we all are.  We all suffer as humans, we all are challenged, particularly by modern life, where we feel so powerless and untethered and unloved.  Your soul will tell you what you need, if you JUST LISTEN.  Stop rejecting spirit.  You don’t have to go to church or join a religion or follow rules.

Your path is yours.  Not your parent’s or your children’s or your government’s or your neighbor’s or your friend’s or your minister’s/priest’s.  Locate your spirit, talk to it, listen to where it guides you.  Be you.  Be brave.

Talking to myself

I was reading something about my natal astrological chart and the placement of a particular planet or asteroid.  Thanks to this placement, it said I was very good at giving advice…to other people.  The article suggested that I sit down and give myself the same advice that I would to a give a friend in my situation.  That’s not so easy, eh?

But, here goes:

Jane:

First off, you need to lighten up. You just don’t laugh like you used to.  In fact, you walk around with creases in your face, looking as if you’re deep in worry or concern or even agony.  Not a good look for you.

You can’t solve all of the world’s problems.  I know you feel called to speak up and call out what you perceive as ignorance, injustice, foggy thinking, hypocrisy, blah, blah, blah, but sometimes people enjoy the confusion.  Or maybe the people that you think are confused, are actually wiser than you.

We all look around us and see ‘other people’ screwing up.  It’s their fault that there isn’t more love and peace in the world.  If only ‘other people’ would seek enlightenment; if only they would awaken.  Well, some will and some won’t.

Jane, you can only fulfill your own destiny.  You can only walk your own path and your overwhelming need to control your own path bleeds out into needing to control everyone’s.  That, my dear, is not enlightenment.  That is suffering and confusion and pure futility.

You’re also way too hard on yourself.  The striving for perfection in your diet, your intellect, your pet guardianship, your finances, your….well, your life, is paralyzing you.  You are on a constant and exhausting search for the holy grail that will transform you into this being of glowing health and light.  This striving is what is actually KEEPING you from attaining this.  STOP striving!  Stop grasping and controlling and gnashing your teeth.

Jane, the dogs and cats will be fine.  Allow them to just ‘be’ without the constant worry over their diets, well-being and activities.  The same goes for your darling husband.  Let him be who he is.  Don’t micro manage his diet, his clothing, his TV/media consumption.  Let that shit go.

You have to trust more.  Life will flow as it flows, just like the water that embodies your astrological sign of Scorpio.  You have a lot of water in your chart, along with a fair amount of fire, but you need to give the water freer rein to tamp down that fire that compels you to be constantly ‘workin’ it’.  Flow, Jane.  It’s all any of us can do.

The bottom line is that you know all of these things.  You’ve studied and read and ruminated and immersed yourself in the metaphysical and the spiritual.  You meditate, do energy work, call upon your guides, spend time in nature and attempt to give it all up to The Divine/Source/Spirit/The Universe and yet, you still suffer.

So, finally, here is my advice to you/me:  Listen.  To you, to me, to Source, to nature, to your gut.  All of the guidance, help and comfort that you seek is in you.  It’s already here for you.  Listen and don’t question EVERYTHING.  Listen.  Allow.  Then, be.